Racey
The other day, I was reading an article about racism in Philadelphia. It’s not a particularly lengthy article, but it did get my wheels spinning about racism, a topic that has followed me throughout my life.
Let’s get one thing straight. I’m white. This topic doesn’t directly affect my day-to-day life. In fact, I’d argue I’m one of the lucky ones. But, I’m filled with disgust to my core to think I’ve been affected by racism. In my lifetime. Through and including the year 2009.
As a child growing up in St. Louis, I was pretty much unaware of racism. I lived in a very mixed community. Went to an elementary school where it was pretty much 50% white, 50% black. Had parents who had friends of all colors. Who encouraged me to do the same. Did the same. Had a very dear friend whose mother was born in Africa. Had other friends of color. Never thought once about their skin or why it might be different than my pasty whites.
The first time I ran into someone with racist tendencies was when I was in fifth grade. Spending the year in northern California while my father was on sabbatical leave from his university. A friend and I watched the TV show, Different Strokes. I voiced my thoughts that Willis was cute. My friend’s response went something along the lines of, “He can’t be cute; he’s black.” I was too young to know how to respond with anything other than confusion and a shrug of the shoulders.
The 
next time I felt the sting of racism was when my family moved to Boston. To the upper-middle class town of Wellesley. Where the residents were 99% white and the black kids were bussed in from the city for a better education. At the time, the Boston Celtics had recently signed top basketball player, Dee Brown. He was in Wellesley looking for homes when a local banker saw him in a nice vehicle and thought he recognized him as a robber. The cops were called. The vehicle was pulled over. And Dee Brown wound up face down in the street, legs spread, hands above his head and a cop trying to get to the bottom of the accusation. While racism wasn’t *that* outward with everyone in Wellesley, it clearly was much more of an issue than where I lived in St. Louis. In fact, there was a time when I heard that within the black community, Boston was flagged as a place that’s not friendly to the African American community.
In my college days in North Carolina, racism seeped into a friendship I made my freshman year. With a black guy who also happened to come from the Northeast. He was a cool guy. Smart guy. Nice guy. Who happened to join a black fraternity. Where they told him to lose all his white friends. He did. And while I might have gotten a nod of acknowledgment from him after that time, we never did hang out again.
Let it be noted, I was once taught (and do believe) that only the majority race can exhibit racism. In our country, whites are the dominate race, therefore only whites can be racists. What my black friend showed might have been discrimination, but it was not racism. However, it was most definitely caused by racism. I’m quite certain the black fraternities and sororities adopted this expectation after years, decades, generations of being denied access to the many white fraternities and sororities on campus.
In the south, I saw my fair share of racism. Too many everyday examples to recount here. Southern whites? A lot (not all) are racist. It’s very obvious to anyone who lives there. They do not try to hide it. Blacks are equally angry and direct that anger towards whites. That, too, is out in the open and recognized by all. As a country, we can claim the south never got over the Civil War. That they’re still stuck in a time long ago. But the reality is, racism is everywhere. It’s just brushed under the proverbial rug elsewhere.
Even here in Chicago. My god, I’ve never lived in such a segregated city. It’s unbelievable. Neighborhoods are clearly denoted white, black or hispanic. I mean, there aren’t subtitles under street signs, but it doesn’t take long to notice what kind of neighborhood you’re in. Social circles seem to be equally divided. As are restaurants, bars and dance clubs. Yes, it’s a big city. Yes, there is diversity here. But, we do not act like one, big happy family. We are not a melting pot.
It saddens me. Sincerely saddens me. To have been introduced to a world without color. For a short time, to really celebrate humanity in all forms. And to quickly realize in how few places that really exists. How can we preach love your neighbor but not practice it? Or only practice it by ensuring all our neighbors look like us? What does this teach our children? How do we move forward from here?
I’m curious about all of you and your experiences with racism and any thoughts you might have on how to push forward without forgetting our past.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:28 am
I recently had a conversation with someone who was wanting to know why it was ok for say Chris Rock to make fun of white people but not for Michael Richards to go off on black people. The difference there to me seemed to be hatred. I tried to articulate what you said about the majority and how that it where true racism exists, but I didn’t do it nearly as eloquently as you did. The bottom line is that discrimination, racism -- it’s all based on ignorance and fear. If people could stop being afraid and allow themselves to open up to knowledge, new experiences and new people, I think more people would see that we’re all the same.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:26 am
i grew up in louisiana, and there is definitely racism there, but i never really felt it until i was in class and studying the civil rights movement and martin luther king jr, when a white classmate (i’m hispanic) asked if i would have to use the white or black water fountain had i grown up during that time. that was kind of tough to swallow as a kid. the thing that always gets me is that there are so many ethnicities in the us, yet in a lot of places, you see so much segregation still…and i guess a lot of it is due to feeling comfortable with people that are familiar with your country (some of my mom’s friends only speak spanish even though they have been in the us for over 20 yrs!)
July 14th, 2009 at 7:29 am
My first husband was black. If he stayed out late at night, cab drivers wouldn’t stop to pick him up because he was big, strong, and, I suppose, “scary-looking” according to stereotypes. Funny thing was, the cab drivers were various shades of brown themselves. And that’s in Toronto, which has been hailed as the most multicultural city in the world.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:35 am
What’s interesting though is that most of my 5th graders don’t see race. It’s only as they get older….
July 14th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Great post! I’m impressed at your ability to delve into such a sensitive topic.
I do live in the South, but am fortunate in that I honestly don’t see too many instances of racism in my day to day life. Maybe that is because I live in a fairly large city, or maybe its the company that I choose to keep. Or perhaps it is simply that I do not go out looking for examples on a regular basis. Regardless, racism is a major problem in our country and I do realize that.
This might not be a very popular point of view, but frankly I think racism breeds racism. Its a cyclical thing — someone is mistreated due to their race, which (rightfully) incites a response from the minority group which in turn incites some type of response from the majority group. In a case like this, the responsibility falls to the majority group to put an end to their behavior.
On the other hand, it is my belief that certain cases highlighted in the news media are tagged as racism when that really isn’t the case. If a minority isn’t hired for a particular job that they feel they were qualified for, it is easy to claim racism when that is not the reason at all. (And that isn’t to say that some of these claims are not legit) In these instances, I fault the news media and the minority groups.
Basically, I agree that it is disgusting and it is a problem but I also think that it is up to both groups to tweak their own actions, thoughts, and behaviors in order to end a deep-seeded issue that has been brewing for hundreds of years.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:24 am
I experienced racism at an early age. Yet my brother and I are quite intolerant of it. In school there was not a lot of diversity, but also not a lot of racism. It wasn’t until college that I was shockingly exposed to what you call discrimination by blacks. A black friend of mine pledged a black sorority. She went through rush and apparently was not allowed to talk to ANY white people. Our relationship was over but not by my choice (she NEVER talked to me (or many others again). It was really sad. Then I became aware of more of this behavior throughout the campus. Not just ignoring but directed anger. I feel I am not a racist person and the whole idea makes me extremely sad. What a waste. How many wonderful people I would not have in my life if I was! How closed minded I would be about other cultures!
July 14th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Great Topic!!
I grew up in a totally Italian/Polish community. We were white and Catholic. There were no black people in my school or my neighborhood (though there was one Indian girl and one Asian girl). I was VERY sheltered from different types of people -- not by choice, per se, but by the circumstances of my life. I went to a private high school and out of the 700 kids in the school there were 2 black students. My parents didn’t have multi-racial friends. My mom thought she was ultra progressive when we changed from our Polish housekeeper to a Dominican woman. In my Jersey suburb, especially in the 70s and 80s, the races just didn’t mix. They didn’t socialize or live in the same areas or go to the same schools.
It was not until college that I was exposed to different people. Blacks, Latinos, Jews, Asians, etc. From the beginning I was color blind to new people and I have friends of all races. The last serious boyfriend that I had was black and race is generally not a factor in my life.
However, I do see my community being discriminatory agaist Middle-Eastern people. The surrounding towns have a large community of Muslims/Arabs and they are clearly not welcomed with open arms. I am not proud to admit it, but I even find myself looking down at this group as whole from time to time. My communtiy has had its own sort of civil rights struggle as a result of 9-11. Not that I am defending the racism, but I can see it as a “natural” reaction to the substantial loss of life that my town (and the neighboring towns) suffered. Even today discrimination against Middle-Easterners is generally accepted.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:41 am
My city is a huge immigrant city, and we have a booming Aboriginal population. I don’t know if it’s Canada’s multiculturalism policy, but racism just doesn’t seem to be a huge issue here. It’s an issue, but just not as marked. We have so many languages, so many people, and everyone views themselves as ethnic- so that people are from other countries or backgrounds isn’t really an issue. When you ask someone from here where they’re from, they’ll likely give you a lineage lesson -- “I’m from (the city) but my family is from England and the Ukraine. Oh! And I’m metis!”.
Everyone here is from somewhere else, and we all have the opportunity to be here- that’s a huge common ground. The government also seems more active in prosecuting hate speech than in the US, which also seems to help. It’s strange, I’m not sure what makes the culture so different, but I’m thankful that I’ve grown up with so many friends from so many different places and that so many kids here have that less segregated experience too.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:41 am
This caught my eye on my Facebook homepage.
As I think I’ve mentioned before, my area of research is discrimination, things like how people cope with it, and how people judge those who claim it. And you wouldn’t believe the archaic views people still have about it- like they genuinely believe it isn’t a problem anymore, or they think thing that centuries of racism are suddenly invalid because they once heard of a white person who was discriminated against. Thanks for such an intelligent post on the topic.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:53 am
I live in the south, and I don’t see people promoting racism in the typical discriminatory ways that usually come to mind. Rather, people seem to want to erase people’s history and ignore their pasts under the cover of being politically correct and accepting.
We can’t deny the fact that there are people in this area that lived segregation and seeing Obama elected was a HUGE moment for them. Remembering the emotion these grown men showed as they said they never thought they would see a black President in their lifetimes, it still brings tears to my eyes. It was sad to see so many people around here saying “Ugh, why do they keep saying African-American president, can’t they just call him American?” It frustrated me to see people complaining and taking away from an emotional moment, all under the guise of being colorblind.
Honestly, I don’t know if it’s intentional, or if we’ve just grown so afraid of being labeled a racist that we end up contributing to racism and discrimination from the other end of the spectrum.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:06 am
I never understood why people had to be so cruel to others because of their skin color. We’re all flesh and blood after all. I grew up without noticing skin color, I just didn’t care if a person was black, white, green, orange or any other shade of the rainbow.
That said, try being Arab these days. I wish I were joking. Sad thing is, the first time in my life that I experienced “racism” so to speak in respect to me and where I’m from was here in the US.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:50 am
There is nothing I despise more than ignorance, which breeds racism. Racism is truly despicable. Why do we think one person is less than due to the color of his/her skin? Or their race, religion, sexual orientation…anything? It makes me sick to my stomach.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:10 am
it’s such a deeply complicated subject. I grew up in a white suburb of detroit listening to a lot of “black jokes.” I, myself, told them as well. Not based on hate, but because that’s all i ever heard. It wasn’t until I got a little older when I started saying, “uh, wait. this isn’t right.” Obviously now I’m deeply against it and outspoken, especially to my family if they make an inappropriate comment.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:22 am
I have a discussion with friends very often. I didn’t have the nerve to blog about it, but I’m glad I can leave a comment on yours about it.
I’m all about equality. I do my best not to see color in people, and have a melting pot of a friend base. HOWEVER -
I hate that African Americans declare themselves as victims and play the race card over and over. There was a local case of a mother who faked a kidnapping and took her daughter to DisneyLand. It gained national attention when she claimed that the “kidnappers” were african american. In stepped the Mayor of Philadelphia throwing the race card around.
If they want equality, then they have to think on an equality level.
I also don’t like that there is a Black Entertainment Channel, but if there was going to be a White Entertainment Channel, there would be lawsuits.
I hope this does not come across as me being racist, as I am NOT. I just don’t like the racism card being played and the double standards that exist particularly in my area.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Well, you know I saw the same stuff in NC. And it’s extra heartbreaking, I suppose because these are 18-22 year old kids who could have changed things, who could have decided to have a different outlook (I’m talking about BOTH, here, not just one color or the other), but instead, fall even more heavily into the ways of their elders, and decided to draw those lines in the sand even deeper.
Sigh.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I was going to start out this comment by saying that the only time that race has ever been a noticeable issue for me was when I was living in Senegal. And that’s true, but I think it’s important to note that because I’m white, I have the privilege of being able to say that race was never an issue for me until I moved to Senegal. That is absolutely true.
In Senegal I was very noticeably the minority and got a lot of attention because of it. And a lot of judgment on my relationship with a Senegalese man. Neither of which I enjoyed. But it was definitely an eye-opening experience.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:57 am
i agree with MOST of what you said except for this: only the majority race can exhibit racism.
i totally believe that blacks and hispanics can be racist even if they’re the minority. i’m hispanic. and while i’ve never experienced racism TOWARD me i definitely have some family members who are racist against whites. it’s possible. and sad. i think that someone was racist to them at one point and they carried it around with them. BUT it didn’t make it right.
i also think that cities being segregated isn’t necessariily uncommon. most big cities are like that. and it’s mostly because races tend to keep to themselves. they LIKE it like that. they’re more comfortable like that.
i will also say that every race has it’s scum…and i DO have a problem with anyone who can’t act right…obey the law, not abuse living off the system… etc. and so i openly dislike any scum of any race, even my own.
i don’t like when people play the race card…i agree with a lot of what katie up there said…you can’t expect things to be equal but demand extra points on a test just because of your race. i think it should be equal all the way around. i just had a lady that quit the office here a few weeks ago…she’s black. she tried to say that someone was racist toward her. CLEARLY this person wasn’t…and everyone around her, even other black people, knew she was crazy to say that. pulling the race card is highly used and abused. when someone is rude to me the last thing i think of is that my race might have played an issue.
just my thoughts :)
July 14th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I feel lucky to live in BC. It truly is a melting pot here. There are so many different cultures and races living together in this hodgepodge of a city.
July 14th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I think that the kind of self-segregation you described with your friend in the black fraternity contributes to the problem. It’s not that I don’t understand it (and I’ve been on your end of things with a Chinese friend who was told that spending time with me made her less Chinese -- I wonder, by that logic did it make me MORE Chinese?), but I think that the single greatest step we can take is to see people as human, period and that comes from respectful, honest interactions. It’s far easier to see someone as “the other” when you keep them at a distance.
I’ve watched anti-gay friends from my hometown change their views as they develop friendships with gay people. I don’t know that any of my conversations with them about gay marriage could have changed their mind the way watching a gay friend fall in love did.
P.S. The Northeast is infamous as a place where no one will say the awful things they’re thinking about another group and it’s refreshing to be in California where folks will just put it out there for me to challenge and discuss.
P.P.S. I was a preppy white college girl and I still got followed around Ann Taylor in Wellesley, MA by a salesgirl who thought I might pilfer something. That town has issues.
July 14th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
what a great post! i wish i had more time to read through all the comments as well, but i’ll contribute my little part.
i grew up in central wisconsin for 18 years. there weren’t a lot of blacks or “minorities” in general, but they weren’t hated on either. it was a live and let live type of situation i guess. i had friends who were black, i had friends from Iran, i had friends who were strictly roman catholic. i even had a few friends whose siblings were adopted from africa and korea. we were all okay with it until it was presented that it used to be an issue, sometime around late middle school i think. it’s never bothered me, but when i see different groups of people or individuals blatantly verbally abusing others simply because of the colour of their skin or their country of origin, it really breaks my heart. people with lighter skin are not entitled to the world! i don’t understand why it’s so hard to grasp that everyone’s different, physically, mentally, or otherwise and picking on one “difference” doesn’t make you better than them.
i could go on forever, but basically, i agree with you on the chicago not being a melting pot. new york isn’t either. everyday i see people of colour or with a rich heritage that originated overseas being overlooked or ignored because of those reasons and it’s so awful. it almost makes me wish i wasn’t classified as “white” because i don’t want to be lumped in with those intolerant people. people are people, end of story.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
what a great topic.
i was raised similarly to the way you were, always exposed to different people and cultures and actually fascinated and interested in things i didnt understand, including the idea of racism.
i too lived in N.Carolina for college, as im sure i’ve told you before, and i too was horrified at how common and every day it is to people down there. what’s more interesting is the way they insist that northerners are more racist, more segregated etc. for a long time i fought that sentiment explaining that it simply doesn’t come up. but you are right. in our northern cities we may not think about it, because we are segregated in some shape or form.
surprising for the south, my best friends in college were all asian. every last one of my best friends. i was the “token white girl” and while at first i was uneasy of all the staring and whispering because i was the white girl in the Asian Student Association i got over that real fast. i learned so much from those friends and their heritage, their values vs. the anglo values and traditions in my own life.eventually i got to the point where i felt like because of my whiteness, and my status as a mutt of all europe i became so jealous of those friends who are first generation, who know their family back in the Philippines or Thailand, jealous of their traditions, the culture that as a mutt i don’t have. being the majority has few valuable advantages when you are lacking a socio-cultural identity, because what is more valuable, what you know and learn about who you are or what others think of you?
July 14th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
i kind of hope that the % of interracial marriages continue to rise, until they’ve turned the majority of americans into… well, a mix. when people can’t be solely black or white or hispanic, because their mom is one thing and their dad is another and their grandma on their mom’s side is a third thing. except then i suppose it could spawn a harry-potter-esque “pure blood” thing? ugh, it can always be something that divides people, which is the crappy truth.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
I’m not going to go through my life and say every racist thing I’ve seen, but I think I’ve seen a bigger variety of racism than most. Race has always played a big role in my life. I am half black and native american.
From the age of 0 to 8 years old I grew up in England and was the only non-white at my school. It didn’t really bother me. If I was discriminated against I didn’t really know what what it was until I was older.
I moved back to the US for a few years, and lived in the Baltimore/DC area. Racism was a big problem in that area as well.
After living in the US I lived in Asia for almost 7 years. Some places I went to were racist against Japanese, some were racist against blacks, some were racists against Koreans, some were racist against whites, some hated all Americans, some hated all foreigners. I’ve been to North Korea, with a gun pointed to my head, where they hate EVERYBODY.
Now I go to a school which is mostly black, and a good majority of my school is racist against non-blacks. Ahh yes, I’ve lived in a tospy turvey life lol.
All I know is, I love all people :)
July 14th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Interesting idea on racism vs. discrimination. So would your view change should demographics prove that there has been a significant shift?
I also grew up in a neighborhood in Lexington, KY, that was very racially mixed. I grew up with friends of all races and heritages and knew no different… until I moved to Connecticut and saw just how white an area can be. Pretty intolerant, too. Sucked.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
I meant “interesting” in a good way, for the record. I’d never thought about it like that.
July 14th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
This post is fantastic, very thoughtful. It’s got me thinking about my own experiences with racism, but it’s so much to think about (and I want to do it justice) that I can’t really comment.
I will say that I’ve been aware since a young age of the troubles of racism, since I come from (on one side) a very “activist” family. My (white) grandmother would march and picket with the best of them. My other grandmother grew up in a different culture (#1 was a rather nomadic preacher’s daughter raised on the west coast primarily and #2 grew up in a poor, working class family in Philadelphia during the Depression). She was not overtly “racist” but when my mother was (briefly) engaged to an African-American man it caused trouble in their relationship unexpectedly.
You’ve got me thinking SoMi…thanks! :)
July 14th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Honestly, I haven’t had a lot of experience with this. Sad I know, but we used to have a program back at home where kids from the inner city could be bused out to schools in the burbs for schools. Needless to say, some people weren’t thrilled with this.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
greeks aren’t exactly known for loving other races, especially people who were right off the boat.
like all of my grandparents.
it’s sad but to this day, if i were to bring home a black man to my family the elder generations would not be happy.
my cousins my age? my mother, aunts, uncles etc? they would be fine -- but there’s a huge line from grandmothers generation to mother’s generation.
it’s sad, but i don’t blame them necessarily. it’s how they were raised, i don’t think they knew any better.
July 15th, 2009 at 9:19 am
I had a HUGE crush on Willis too.
I grew up in a family that embraced differences in people while my husband’s family is much less open. Well, his immediate family, his mom, dad and sister are fine but his extended family sometimes make racist jokes. Now that my kids are older, we have talked about how that is not ok and that skin color, like eye color or hair color, has nothing to do with who you are inside.
I am pleased that my younger daughter has friends of all colors and that they don’t even notice it. Or more truthfully they do notice it and it isn’t a “thing” to them. They often comment on differences and similarities between them just as kids of the same race do. Hopefully at some point the entire world will just look at people as people and not prejudge by the color of someones skin. I won’t hold my breath for it, but I do hope it happens.
July 15th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
I grew up in TX and never really experienced racism. But shortly after marrying my husband (who is Hispanic) we moved to a small town in NC. WOW! What a difference. People would talk to him through me because they assumed he couldn’t speak English. When they discovered that he not only spoke English, but had a masters degree they were SHOCKED!
Seriously the 2 questions I got asked the most when we moved to NC were “Does he speak English” and “Where do you go to church?” Gotta love the Bible Belt.
Although looking back, I shouldn’t have been surprised. When I went to this small town for a job interview my interview committee consisted of a bunch of white folks and one lone African American man. After the interview the woman who had volunteered to show me the town said that he was the “nicest black man” she’d ever met. Not the nicest man, but the nicest BLACK man. Yeah, that should have clued me in, huh?
July 16th, 2009 at 3:42 am
I’ve experienced lots of ignorance (How many times have I had this same lame conversation: “Where are you from?” “Los Angeles.” “No, like, where are you REALLY from?”), but I wouldn’t say that’s blatant racism. Race is so interesting. Up until high school, I had good friends of every ethnicity, but I’m noticing now that the vast majority of my close friends are Asian. I don’t know why this is so. It kind of bothers me. Why is this suddenly my comfort zone? Am I becoming more insecure? Hmmm, things to think about. Great post!
July 16th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
oh so hard. i’ve experienced a mixed bag of racism, because, well, i’m a mixed bag myself. being half japanese and half irish has been interesting. i always get people asking, “What ARE you?”. i was once told my an older hispanic woman, that i “would be pretty if she was mexican”. i don’t know what that means. i have issue with people calling me “oriental” i just can’t help but giggle at it.
when i was in high school, i had a girl that sat next to me, and that i had considered a “friend” in that class, go on a rant about how the japanese deserved anything that happened to them because of the history of our past with them. i promptly left and when she was made aware that i was japanese, she stated, “oh my gosh, i’m so sorry, i never would have said that if i would have known that you were.” ugh.
i also had an experience where my sister-in-law’s friend stated, “they should kill every one of those japs”. the ignorance of this statement, was only made funnier, by the look on my husbands face, and then his statement, “so they should kill her? (Pointing at me), she’s japanese” The girl, got bright red, and then tried telling me that i wasn’t japanese.
March 1st, 2012 at 8:25 pm
I was surprised to read your thoughts about racism in Wellesley. I grew up in the area and then went away to school in Upstate NY. I was on several occasions appalled by the racism that I observed and encountered in Upstate NY, and found myself missing the open-mindedness of people in the Metrowest suburbs of Boston. “My first encounter with blatant racism” is a post I’ve been thinking of writing on my own blog. Stay tuned…