Measuring
Some of my friends and a number of you have adventured (yes, adventure, because it’s bigger than a venture) over to the online dating websites to meet new mates. Match.com. eHarmony (boo). OKCupid. And so on. As I read your stories about the highs and lows of dating in general, but online dating more specifically, I can’t help but be reminded of my own experiences.
Many of you only know me as married-to-Sweets girl. And while Sweets plays a huge role in my life now, he hasn’t always been a part of my life. In fact, let’s do a little math. Sweets and I met in September 2006. If I just turned 36, that means I was 32 when we met. Do you know how many years of odd, boring, fruitless, when-the-fuck-will-this-end dates I went on before meeting the man I would marry? OVER A DECADE!
Of those ten years of dating, I spent around six of them navigating the online waters. Besides Match.com, I also tried JDate and Yahoo Personals and others I cannot now remember. I took the survey for eHarmony, but never joined (at the time, I decided I wanted more control over who I was being paired up with; now, I’d have ethical issues with using the site at all).
Over and over again, I returned to Match.com. In the early days of online dating, that website seemed to provide the most variety of matches. And I found guys who paid for dating sites tended to be slightly more serious about meeting people (don’t equate that, though, to seriously dating) than some of the free sites.
Over the years of using Match.com, I met a lot of guys. A lot of one-date guys. There were very few total duds. And very few through-the-roof-make-my-heart-patter guys. Here in Chicago, most guys were nice. Had interesting careers. Took care of themselves. Were close to their families. Had close-knit groups of friends. Being the conversationalist that I am, it wasn’t hard to find some common link with these guys. Whether it was a love for sports, roots in the Northeast, a common industry or something else. And yet, I often felt the only way to summarize our date was with this one word: meh. Nothing great to report. No compelling reason to go out with them again.
So, you must be wondering how the heck did I meet Sweets? I mean, most of you know we met on Match.com. But how it came about is a sort of cute story some of you might not know.
Match.com had recently added a new feature allowing me to see all the guys who had viewed my profile. Usually, this was an exercise in humor. The 22 year old who was entering the military in Alabama (absolutely nothing in common with me). The 40 year old (when I was only 25) clearly looking for a trophy (which I’m not). The Southern California guy looking for anyone across the globe (I clearly stated I was interested in local guys only). The bible-thumping Christian who was sure to be disappointed with my “spiritual, but not religious” classification.
And then I saw Sweets’ profile. He was pictured in a warm sweater, in front of a fireplace with a Golden Retriever. CUTE, I thought, what the heck!? So, I delved into his profile to find the obvious factor as to why he didn’t contact me. In terms of what he was looking for in a mate, I couldn’t figure out the missing link. Education – check. Profession – check. Interests – check. Religion – check. All of it checked out. Except one glaring discrepancy.
My height.
Yes, my height. You see, Sweets listed himself as 6’3. And he was interested in women who were 5’5 – 6’0. I’m only 5’2. I knew the height thing must have been an issue for him. OK, I am only slightly serious. In the back of my head, I thought, there’s no way he’s only passing me up on height. Maybe he thought I was far too ugly for his dashing good looks. Who knows! And at that point, who cares?!? For me, there was only one way to find out.
I couldn’t resist. I sent him a message that went something like this:
Hi!
I noticed you looked at my profile, but never wrote. I must not measure up!!!
Good luck with your search,
Nilsa
I figured my snark would go unanswered. But, I couldn’t resist that drop of humor. Oh the humor. It was awful, but I still couldn’t pass up the opportunity.
And then I was surprised.
You see, Sweets actually wrote back. At first, I was convinced he would say something witty, but brief in return and it would be a dead-end conversation. How wrong I was. He wrote a very thoughtful response explaining why he never wrote. And that was the start.
Before I ever met Sweets, I terms our first date my last first date. No matter what happened with him, I had plans to remove my Match.com profile after that weekend. I needed a break to recharge. Little did I know that last first date would be so much more meaningful than its original intention. It really was my last first date as I’ve been with Sweets ever since. The rest really is history!
December 16th, 2009 at 6:30 am
You are too cute Nilsa. What a great story. It was meant to be!
December 16th, 2009 at 8:38 am
oh, I LOVE this. you just gave me inspiration of what to write (copy from you) for mine! that is a great story and what i find is so amazing is how similar our stories are.
December 16th, 2009 at 9:12 am
I’m dyin’ ova heah. . . . so why didn’t he contact you? I never knew that story; too cute! I also made the first contact with Tim via email!! We’d met in person in a group setting, but I sent him the first email! :) Chased him down, as he says!! Ha Ha!!!
December 16th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Very cute!
It is ironic that you bring up Match because in the past few weeks I have been winked at but, I haven’t used Match in over 4 years and I don’t remember my user name or password to make it stop!
I met Hubs on line and we know how that went :).
December 16th, 2009 at 9:26 am
I had no idea that he viewed your profile and never contacted you! I have stories upon stories about online dating and I suppose that sometime in 2010 I’ll be venturing back into that world. (which makes me say “eek!” and “ugh,” all at the same time because I’ve had ZERO success with online dating in the past.)
December 16th, 2009 at 9:45 am
What a wonderful story! I knew you guys met online, but I hadn’t read the full story and now that I have I just love it. My best friend met her (second) husband on match.com and they are incredibly happy together. I bet dating as an adult is super stressful, but when it works out so happy it sure must seem worth all the aggravation!
December 16th, 2009 at 9:49 am
This is definitely ‘meet cute’ movie fodder- I love that you sent him a message jabbing at him a little, too! I wouldn’t have thought that’s your style…although you do seem to be a total bundle of energy over there lol
I knew you met online but I didn’t know about how you went from online to offline- I adore this story, too sweet!
December 16th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Um, petite ladies are awesome. We are the whole package of awesomness and more. Am I right or am I right?
(Cutest story by the way.)
December 16th, 2009 at 9:58 am
This is such a sweet story! I too, know you had met online but its so much fun to hear the rest of the story. I think its completely romantic and agree with Kyla, thats like a movie.
December 16th, 2009 at 10:04 am
This is such a lovely story!
December 16th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I still hate online dating. And I go through periods where I delete my profile and then I’ll start up again. It’s gruesome really. Plus, I’m getting older. And well? A never married 36 year old woman? People wonder why.
December 16th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Cute story. I am 5’2″ (or 5’3″ depending on the doctor) and hubby is 6’4″. It’s very convenient when something is on a tall shelf. :-)
Weeks ago, for some reason I mentioned being 5’2″ and hubby said “What? I thought you were 5’4″!” He was being serious. I laughingly asked if that was going to be a problem, and he jokingly said “Maybe.” Apparently he should have measured me 9 years ago. Too late now. :-)
December 16th, 2009 at 10:52 am
That’s so cute! But I want to know more about his response. Was it really because of your height? If not, what was it?
December 16th, 2009 at 10:58 am
I would consider match.com, but have a hard justifying the monthly cost right now. I’m on a free site right now, but I’ve gotten zilch in responses and really haven’t had time myself to do searching on my own. hmmmm.
That’s a cute story, btw! I’ve always seemed to end up with guys whom I’ve known in real life as friends first. But nothing is really happening in that department either. :( sad.
December 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am
very cute story!
December 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I love this story. I really do. Gives me hope! :)
December 16th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
aaaah the “meh” date. or the “it was… you know… fine..” date. nothing WRONG, but no spark. i can no longer count how many of those i’ve had :-P i’m up to year.. let’s see… 7, i guess? of online dating. even the current one is from online. i know some people find it grueling and depressing, but it’s how i’ve met all the guys i’ve seriously dated in the DC area!
December 16th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I am happy you found your match on Match. I know that doesn’t work for me. I know I have a lot to offer and I am have plenty of self-confidence, but no one looks at my picture and says, “I got to date her!” My selling point is my strong personality and that doesn’t come across in online dating. You may disagree, but I have found that it is a lot about being attracted to those few photos. That is just my experience, but I am not a hater and I know it works for some people.
December 16th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
awww i love reading stories like this!
December 16th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I admire your gumption, lady!
December 16th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Nicely done with the zinger; got his attention, obviously. And how fortuitous that you had your last first date before you took your break! Whew!
December 16th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
You are the only person I know that has met and married someone from a dating website -- and your story proves to me that it DOES work for REAL people who do live (the dog days of) happily ever after! I want to hear more of this story in the future -- it’s so heartwarming!
The first thing I said to my hubs? No joke: “Who the $^#* are you?” He obviously made a great impression on this very crass pastor’s kid ;)
December 16th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
This post made me schmoopy. I miss online dating sometimes. I always loved the bad dates the most because they made for the best stories. My girlfriend IMed me today to tell me she spilled her glass of wine on an internet date last night and I got a little nostalgic tear in my eye.
I love the term “last first date.” That adds to my schmoopiness. It’s funny when you stop and think how long it has been since you were on a first date. 2 years for me. How time flies.
I hope everyone who goes the way of the dating site ends up as lucky as you and I have. :)
December 16th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
It’s funny that as I read this, I just posted about taking a dating vacation from Match.com. I’m not giving up, but i need a bit of a breather. I’m glad your story has a happy ending :)
December 16th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
This story gives me hope.
P.S. Love the new pic of you.
December 17th, 2009 at 9:49 am
That is such a cute story!! I love it! It’s funny, my boyfriend and I met on Twitter. Not a dating site at all. It’s an interesting story
December 17th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Aw, cute! I’m on eHarmony, but I don’t take it really seriously. I’m pretty passive -- if somebody contacts me I respond, but I’m not really seeking anybody out. All my matches have been pretty much right on, just no “kapow!” moment, you know? :)
I think it’s really interesting how more and more people are meeting each other online nowadays…
December 17th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
I absoultely LOVE this story :)
December 17th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
What a sweet story. I love to hear how people met. Its usually in the most unexpected ways.
December 18th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
I’m with Karen. I know it works for some people and I LOVED hearing this story, but online dating is absolutely not for me. Instead, I’m looking into ways to meet men in person. I think what I find most inspirational is that you were 32, so there’s some hope that (at 30) I’m not too old to find someone to love.
December 19th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
So, is he 6’3″?
December 20th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
I don’t think I knew that’s how you met…although now I am dying to know what he wrote back! :D
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s funny, I was just telling Sizzle, my plan was to open up my dating options come January, but since I met the new Person of Interest, I don’t really feel compelled to, if for no other reason than the fact it’s been so easy with him so far (relatively speaking of course, dating is never easy!). We’ll see!
December 22nd, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Hehehe. Love this one.
December 29th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
What a great story. I don’t think I had heard that before (did you blog about it before?)
I did the online dating thing right after my divorce and actually met and dated a few people I tried to strike up relationships with.
I notice you did a “boo” on eHarmony. My brother-in-law just joined the single force and spent time on Match.com and eHarmony and liked eHarmony better. Of course, he is 50 and maybe the amount of people on eHarmony are more compatible with him. Not sure, but he seems to like it and has met and dated a few so far.