Gifts
Christmas is two days away. I’m pretty sure we’re still in the throws of Chanukah (are we? This Jew-ish? girl isn’t so sure). It’s that time of year when gift-giving is on the brain and consuming many of our lives.
Every year, I (and now we) contemplate to whom we should give gifts and in what form. With my birthday falling in early December, the holidays in late December and Sweets’ birthday landing in early January, this time of year can quickly spiral out of control for us. A few years ago, we made the agreement that birthdays are for dinners out and the holidays are for gift giving. It drastically simplifies our lives (and pads our bank accounts, too).
I have always given gifts to my parents. Sometimes it’s a couple gift; other times individual gifts; this year, it’s a couple gift (dad, that’s the only clue I’m giving to you here!). My brother also always gets something; this year, we’re getting a couple gift for him and his boyfriend, and maybe a little extra something for their new puppy.
Now that Sweets’ family has become a second family to me, I also look forward to giving them gifts. We’ve gotten couple gifts for his parents and his brother/sister-in-law and individual gifts for his nephews.
Then, there’s always the question of extended family. Personally, I have always followed the rule that if I’m going to see them over the holidays, then I’ll buy a gift. Since we will be seeing my local aunt and uncle this year, we bought them something while we were in Montana. We also just saw my brother’s baby and her mamas; again, we got the mothers something small and of course we bought the baby a gift.
Friends generally don’t get gifts. The only time I break that rule is with one of my childhood friends; we both share early December birthdays and have been exchanging combo gifts for years. It’s one of those traditions I love. Everyone else? If they’re hosting a party, we’ll get them something small. Otherwise, nada. We haven’t even gotten in the habit of sending out holiday cards (I plead we’re saving the environment)! We also don’t have a Christmas tree and don’t generally light candles for the Menorah – we just don’t get all that wrapped up in the holidays. (Sweets and I were joking the other night that we should put up a huge Menorah and decorate it with lights and ornaments; and then get a small, plain tree for the corner.)
Finally, there’s a group of people we see on a very regular basis (sometimes more than our friends). We trust them in our home. We trust them with our livelihood. People like our dog walker, our cleaning lady and my hair stylist. In the past, my tradition has always been to give them a holiday bonus. This year is no different. I don’t profess to know their needs nor their wishlists. Instead of getting them something thoughtful that they may never use, I’d rather give them something guaranteed to be used. The dollar (or many of them) is one of those few guarantees!
So, tell me, what are your gift-giving guidelines around the holidays?
December 23rd, 2009 at 7:12 am
It’s great that you give bonuses to the people whose services you use on a regular basis.
We’ve cut back and I love it. This year we are just giving gifts to our parents, Steven’s brother, and the siblings we drew names for on our side. And we made a gift for one another (pics tomorrow on my blog).
I like it this way. It’s so much less stressful and I feel like I can actually enjoy this time of year!
December 23rd, 2009 at 7:58 am
we decided years ago in the family, that among the first cousins, we would do a name drawing type of thing. it has evolved throughout the years. i think the first few years it was $50/couple. now, we are down to $30/couple. usually, we know what the other people are getting us, becasue it’s stuff we’ve hinted for…
for the immediate family, i’ve cut back, price-wise, as well. but since it’s only mom, dad, t and I, it’s doable.
December 23rd, 2009 at 7:59 am
We just give to close immediate family. That number has grown quite a bit in the past few years on my side so we don’t buy for my siblings. Just their children and my mom and dad. My husband’s extended family draws names every year with a $100 spending amount. We didn’t participate this year, for obvious reasons.
December 23rd, 2009 at 8:45 am
As far as friends/family go, we normally only do gifts with family and super close friends. Since my kids are in school, I also am pretty generous with my kids’ teachers. If you think about it, during the school year my kids spend more time with them than with me and I am grateful when the teacher is someone I feel good about leaving them with all day.
We also give little gifts to the mail lady (even though she hates me!), our cleaning ladies, etc. It sometimes exhausts me when I begin making out the list of people we need to get things for but I would hate to not do it for them. I also give a little something to the kids I watch, which turned out funny this year because I bought things for them from the place that they gave me a gift card to so essentially they paid for their own gifts (although after I had already bought them).
December 23rd, 2009 at 9:44 am
It’s always just been the four (or five, now that Gram is around) of us so I get them all presents. A lot of presents. I kind of go present crazy. My best friends and I have a rule: no presents. Instead we’ll all get together and have a dinner and a few drinks to just enjoy the company of each other. I sometimes break that rule and get a present for one or two of them, but not always. Hostess/Hosts always get gifts. Oh, and I’ve started sending little things to my gal cousins just to keep us close & strengthen the bonds we’ve recently formed. And blog friends! I’ve started sending them presents too… so I guess I buy and send a lot of presents. I can’t help it. I love to give presents! =)
December 23rd, 2009 at 9:50 am
We drew names with my family, and with the in-laws we only did gifts for the kids. However, we did a Toys for Tots drive at work, and James and I got an angel from the Angel Tree. Add lots and lots of baking for friends and co-workers in there and I am overwhelmed!
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:10 am
Other than immediate family, I have two aunts that I always get something for…one because we are always at her house for Christmas, the other because I am close to her. Since there are a large number of cousins on my father’s side, those of us that get together during the holidays (now that we all have significant others) draw names and only buy one gift instead of 10+.
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:17 am
I am so totally scattered when it comes to prioritizing gifts. I want to give everyone something! But inevitably run out of time. I definitely send cards and get gifts for my immediate family. I tend to bake sweets for local friends, tenants and always get the mailman something (Weird? I don’t know. He hugged me a thank you. Weirder? Ha.).
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:17 am
I’ve been keeping it small. I get my parents each something or as you said a couple’s gift (this year couple’s gift which is to go see A Christmas Carol at Ford’s theater, and yes I’m going with!).
Then now of course there’s Matt. I always get him something. I’ll usually get a little something for his mom and dad too because they always give me a gift on Christmas and my birthday.
Everyone else? They get a lovely card!!! (*ahem* expect something in the mail hopefully headed your way)
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:24 am
We get gifts for each other, both sets of parents, and my sister and her family. We also get gifts for my mom’s best friend (who is like a second mother to me) and her family. That’s it, unless we’re going to do something holiday-related with someone else.
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:53 am
mine are nada this year. :((( But I would normally get my dad/stepmom, mom, brother, and my stepsister’s two young boys something. If I had a SO then that list would probably expand.
December 23rd, 2009 at 10:54 am
It’s just me, my mom and dad, my sister, my brother and sister in law and the baby. We all exchange gifts with one another, but it’s never been anything large. Except for the baby. I think that poor kid is going to be spoiled to death. Gay BOyfriend gets and gift and my best friend does too, but that’s about it. The rest of us? We just enjoy one another.
December 23rd, 2009 at 11:24 am
We buy for mostly immediate family- parents, siblings (we each just have one, and no other kids involved on either side, Maggie’s an Only!), and grandparents. Plus Dan has an uncle with Down’s Syndrome so we always buy him something (loooves the Steelers! so it’s usually an easy gift!) Now that Maggie is in daycare, we also buy for the teachers- but that’s easy, hello chocolate bark! and then my MIL and Dan’s aunts and I all exchange what we call ‘Sister Gifts’- something little, usually under $5. That’s basically it!
Our Christmases are fairly simple which I LOVE. Our focus is more on getting together with everyone- tomorrow night at our house? A Christmas Eve Wii Fit Tournament! HOLLA!
December 23rd, 2009 at 1:05 pm
A. and I usually give each other two gifts. One “big” gift (never more than $150, and that much is rare) that we reserve for home and open with just the two of us, and another little gift we open with family. We also help Santa out with the stockings.
The siblings usually go in together for gifts for the parents, in both mine and A.’s families. We also exchange names in both our immediate families, and A.’s family exchanges names in the extended family, as well. The grandkids are included in A.’s name exchange, whereas the grandkids in my family all get gifts from all of the aunts and uncles (spoiled!). I also give something to all the grandparents. We keep the limit in the exchanges, and to individuals, to $20 -- $25 to accommodate the different financial situations of all the families.
Every year I make 4-5 different cookies and put together really pretty cookie bags for all my coworkers and friends in town. For my immediate coworkers I usually get something small. This year, I knitted/crocheted coffee sleeves for each.
We also give monthly to the Wyoming Food Bank of the Rockies, but add an extra amount around the holidays.
A. and I did a great job of shopping in October and November, so our budget didn’t strain too much this year. What a different, not to be stressed about money! Granted, all our gifts are rather humble, but we kind of like it that way.
December 23rd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Oh! And my three best friends and I exchange gifts, too! Almost forgot. We usually don’t manage to be in the same part of the country together until January or February, so it is a late exchange.
December 23rd, 2009 at 2:11 pm
For us it is each other (we set a dollar amount) our parents, and my brother. We get gifts for my husband’s nieces since we will see them and that is it. We try not to go crazy! Try is the word!
December 23rd, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Between my husband and I there are seven assorted parents and step-parents, six siblings, and three step-siblings, plus all of their spouses and children. We just can’t afford to buy for everyone.
When we first married, Andrew and I agreed that we would spend Christmas every year at home. So, we don’t actually see anyone else at Christmas, or I am sure we would do more than we do. We all get one gift, including the girls, and if there is money left over from a gift budget we donate it as a family.
This year my sister and I went in together and made care packages for the rest of our family. We made brittle, and cookies, and meringues, and hot cocoa mix and threw in a few trinkets in each box -- a hat for our brother, some fuzzy socks for my sister. It was really fun, and they turned out well -- so I am hoping that is something we can continue for each year.
We also did care packages for coworkers and the ladies I serve at work. I wish I could find a hairstylist to give a Christmas bonus too =(
December 23rd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
This is such a pain…especially once you add in the extended family and the “in law” family. Which, though I’m not married, I still have what with a long term relationship.
I definitely buy for my parents. I definitely buy for DD. I also exchange gifts with one of my female cousins who is close to me in age. I will also exchange with my paternal aunt who donated her kidney to me.
Otherwise? It’s a crap shoot. My maternal side does a name draw, which works well; but my paternal side is completely ridiculous. No one talks about how we should exchange gifts and no one brings it up. It’s all a little passive aggressive if you ask me!
And as for the in laws, that has been a bit confusing the past couple years and DD isn’t a ton of help. Finally this year, they decided on a name draw as well. I really think that’s the way to go for the adults in any extended family. Give the kids presents, and exchange names amongst the adults.
December 23rd, 2009 at 7:15 pm
This year my friends and I did a book exchange to simplify things. We all bought one book and had a nice brunch and went home with a new book. It was awesome. Family-wise, the gift giving situation is getting a bit out of control. I have no idea how to fix it.
December 23rd, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Over the past few years, my family has really simplified things. I only buy presents for my mom, stepdad, brother, and grandparents. Like Nora, my friends and I get together for dinner and drinks and just enjoy each others company. If I am invited to someones home, they usually get a bottle of wine. This year in lieu of buying gifts for my closest friends children (who are all mainly 2 and under, get entirely too much and don’t understand what Christmas is all about) I made a donation in their names to St. Jude Childrens hospital for their Thanks and Giving campaign (giving thanks for the healthy kids in your life).
December 24th, 2009 at 12:05 am
I actually don’t buy a lot of gifts for friends either. Unless we discuss it and set a budget. If they don’t want to exchange, that’s totally fine. I always spend the most money on my dad than anyone else. He does so much for me that I use this time to give back to him.