Privacy
Last week, NPR did a story (listen here) about Facebook and its privacy issues. The story revolved around users’ privacy and what is revealed publicly on the internet versus what is kept private for that users’ circle of friends.
Privacy on the internet is an ongoing issue.
Whether registering for free membership to obtain information from a website, signing up for a newsletter or even completing searches through Google, we all reveal information about ourselves in cyberspace. What we’re interested in. Where we go shopping. Where we travel. We reveal even more information on the internet when we buy tickets to a concert, purchase a book or plan a vacation.
Us bloggers? It’s amazing the amount of information we choose to reveal about our lives, loves, general psyche and so much more. Anonymous or not, information about us is out there.
Privacy on the internet is an ongoing issue we bloggers should care about.
The other week, Hillary discussed her own journey with blogging, whether to be a known or anonymous blogger and how much information to reveal on her blog. In the end of that post, she came up with a goal for 2010.
Write as though everyone is reading.
Oh how those words ring true. From the beginning, I have always been a known blogger. Always blogged under my first name. Always shared my blog URL with my husband, family and friends. I have always written freely, not with the intention to hurt anyone, but also always remaining true to myself in the process.
Even known bloggers face privacy issues. Just because something happens in your life, does it give you a hall pass to write freely about it? What if it’s someone else’s story? What if that someone doesn’t want to be published in cyberspace? We all must strike a fine, but very important balance between freedom of voice and airing other people’s dirty laundry.
I am not immune to these privacy matters.
In the beginning, there was a time when I wanted confirmation of my own opinion, but in the process told someone else’s story. Said person called me out on that post with frustration, anger and disappointment. Another time, someone close to me expressed disappointment about learning things about me through my blog when they’d rather learn about them through me. There have been yet other times when people have specifically asked me not to post photos or discuss real-life events, because they do not want to be outed on my blog.
At first, I was very cavalier about it. This is my life and my blog. If you don’t like what you read, don’t come here to read it. Isn’t that regal of me? I did calm down and after some thought, I realized it’s not just about me. I mean, my blog is just about me, but what I post here? It can affect other people. And those other people do have the right not to want to be in this space. They have a right to their privacy. Through these real-blog examples, I learned a valuable lesson.
I must differentiate between my story and someone else’s story.
While there are things that happen in my life where I have to include other people in the description, I try to minimize their presence on my blog. Sweets shows up here often, but he has given me permission. Other people also show up on this here blog, but in fits and spurts. Or under the “friend” tag instead of by name. And hopefully, all these cameos occur in relation to a story about me, not a story about them.
To this day, I still write as if everyone is reading. It’s safer that way. But, you know what? I actually would prefer it if some people didn’t read my blog. It’s easier that way. Then, the people I see on a regular basis don’t feel like everything that happens in my life is blog-worthy. And, I don’t feel like I’m constantly in the spotlight being questioned about my blogging intentions.
Plain and simple, privacy matters.
Have you put thought into privacy on your blog?
January 13th, 2010 at 7:09 am
Nilsa, I think we have a very similar style and thought-process about this (surprise, surprise, right?). I use my name, but leave most details out, except for something discussing Steven and Data (and family every now and then). I sometimes do wish I could say more (like today, I would have LOVED to tell everyone who I still expect that apology from) but it would be wrong. You know my story that I wanted to tell and couldn’t… we have to keep in mind what is ours. So much of life really isn’t, when you think about all the people in involves. And you do want to be conscious of what you are putting out there! I think about my MiL and coworkers… what would they think of my blog? (ha ha) I try to write as though everyone is reading, but like you, wish some weren’t.
I want to give you props -- your blog feels very personal without giving too much away! You’re a great writer!
January 13th, 2010 at 7:10 am
Yikes, a few typos in that comment. Whoops!
January 13th, 2010 at 8:52 am
I have, but it’s taken me a while. When I first started blogging I was a terrible writer! I wrote about everything and anything relating to me, my friends, my boyfriends, and I was one of those awful “my relationship sucks, feel sorry for me!! My relationship’s amazing, aren’t I lucky??” type of writers. In recent years I have done some major purging of everything I don’t want people to be able to find, and simply write as if anyone could be reading. There’s nothing incriminating, questionable (don’t I sound interesting) or anything I wouldn’t want my grandma seeing -- it’s become better written, more diverse, more relatable… and I rarely mention other people’s stories. I even give ‘code names’ to protect the identity of anyone who might happen to be mentioned :)
January 13th, 2010 at 8:56 am
I am aware that my words are out for public consumption and that they can be taken from very different perspectives. I do use my first name but never use any of my friends or husbands names (unless I have their permission). I also talk about restaurants or places after I have been there or use them in a broader future outlook.
My blog is my point of view and I do not have expectations that everyone who reads it agrees with me. There are many things that I keep private because they are others stories or issues and because I want to keep some of my life mine.
January 13th, 2010 at 8:56 am
While I’m a “known” blogger in the blogosphere, few of my friends know I have a blog. The reason for that is the few that I have told just don’t get it, think it’s crazy, don’t care to read, don’t understand “what’s so fun about sharing your life on the internet.” As a result, I’ve not told my other friends. (I’d say about four of my StL friends know, in addition to family.)
Because of that I don’t include friend’s names, or give them nicknames that are ambiguous. I only post photos when I have permission. I censor myself a bit as well when it comes to things I post. Partially because I want to keep some of my life for *me*. There are definitely some scenarios and situations I’d like to write about that are about/involve my “IRL” friends but I refrain so as to not hurt or disappoint. Not sure if that’s really the right way to go about all of this, but for now it works.
January 13th, 2010 at 9:18 am
I was slapped with this a few months ago when a IRL friend who I did not know read my blog, confronted me with something I wrote. I tried to deny it was about her, but she knew. It was embarrassing. I am much more careful now.
Also, when applying for jobs I am fearful of the blog popping up and hurting me somehow.
January 13th, 2010 at 9:42 am
No one I know in real life who I knew before blogging knows about my blog, except hubby, who has no interest in it.
When blogging about other people, I am careful not to use names, and have (rarely) even switched genders of the players in my telling in case I think it’s something that could be traced back to me. This is both to protect their privacy and my own. I want to be able to freely complain about things without being found out. :-)
January 13th, 2010 at 9:51 am
absolutely! For one, I don’t want to kick myself later is anything I write on the blog jeopardizes me getting a job, losing a job if I had one, embarrassing myself, or alienating anyone close to me. I have held back on some topics/posts because I am afraid of the consequences. And I think that’s OK. That’s how I feel about MY blog. Someone else may feel different. I still have fears I have said too much regarding the coach who is a jerk and some of the volleyball girls. He or they could easily figure out with enough research I was talking about them. And it’s such a tight community…it would be an all around bad situation But hopefully I tried softening it just enough that that damage wouldn’t be too great if someone did stumble upon it. But yeah, I hope they don’t.
Pretty much no one in my “real life” knows about my blog.
January 13th, 2010 at 10:01 am
My husband, kids and sister read the blog and know that they might show up because, well, they are a huge part of my life. I have one friend that knows I blog, but doesn’t have the url. I have another friend that knows I blog and has the url but she says she doesn’t want to read it because it is my private world away from here.
It really could cause me a bit of issues at work if I was ‘discovered’, not because of falsehoods, but because I vent and could hurt feelings…which I don’t like the idea of, and why I will stay super vigilant about keeping it quiet.
January 13th, 2010 at 10:01 am
Ah, internet privacy! A big topic! I’m incredibly paranoid about the information I put out on the internet. I’ve been in hiring situations before and have Googled prospects, and I know that our HR department uses Facebook during recruiting. Working in IT, I have a pretty good feeling for what kind of information can (and oftentimes is) being tracked and logged, and I have crazy-good Google skills (my co-workers swear I can find ANYTHING online). There really is no safe place on the internet.
I think the paranoia hinders my writing. I wish I could be more open. I’ve tried blogging anonymously, but that just felt weird, so I’m back to using my real name. I do what I can to stay as private as possible, I block search engines and try not to bring my blog into sites like Facebook. Even knowing that what I write is out there for anyone to read, and taking those precautions to hide what I can, I’m still not quite comfortable with blogging. It’s something that I’m definitely working on.
January 13th, 2010 at 10:47 am
You and I are very similar in terms of how much we share on our blogs, and with whom we share it. I have always tried to follow that rule: assume that anyone could read at any time. And don’t write things you wouldn’t want some people to see. Because you just never know. As a result, I’m pretty comfortable with what I put out there, though I do just kind of put on blinders when it comes to some casual Facebook acquaintances reading some of my more vulnerable/intimate posts.
January 13th, 2010 at 10:52 am
While it may not seem like it, I’m an incredibly private person. When I first started a blog it was hard to filter what I wrote and what I didnt wrote. As I’ve grown as a person, I’ve gained a new understanding for what I want to publish and what I don’t. While I don’t think I write anything thats particularly harmful to anyone, there have been times I’ve second guessed myself when hitting the publish button. Its a fine line and there isn’t one right answer, I think its different for every blogger.
January 13th, 2010 at 11:53 am
i’ve given a lot of thought to it. even though im semi-anonymous (don’t use my name but have posted say, a group picture with me in it here and there), i still feel like i could go either way. people wouldn’t know right off, who i am when they visit my blog, but they could definitely delve through the old posts and find out some juicy scoop. i don’t mind what people that don’t “know” me in real life find out about me, but i do get sometimes worried about what say, a co-worker would think if they happened upon my blog. im not really searchable in search engines, at least not by my name, and no one knows the name of my blog otherwise. but it can be tricky. sometimes ive thought of starting fresh- a whole new blog, with a different feel. i dont know, that seems awfully cumbersome though!
January 13th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
I think all bloggers struggle with this. Somehow my SIL found my blog last week, and it started a huge storm because I called her precious poopsy-whoopsy a “spoiled brat.” He is, and I really have no problem with her knowing I think that (because I am certainly not the only one who thinks that). However, my husband deals with the reprocussions of his family being nuts, and I feel badly for him. So now, for the second time, I had to close my blog because of the in-laws. If I can’t be honest, I don’t see much point in blogging.
Belated thanks for the diet program update. I found it very helpful.
January 13th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
You know, this is a great topic! I have experience all sides to the coin too. I try hard to keep my blog just about ME, but other people are obviously a part of my life. I have had people ask me to not post any pictures of them, I have had other people who ask me specifically if I WILL write about the time I spent with them. I have been called out for crossing the line before when I didn’t think I had which was very hurtful.
I think as bloggers we have a responsibility to be honest, but also to take other peoples feelings into account. You are absolutely right to write as if everyone is reading. It’s’ the only way to maintain happy/healthy relationships if you are a blogger.
I truly hope what I write never comes back to bite me in the ass. I try very hard to consider the content before I post it. I want to be true to who I am, but also keep my integrity in tact.
January 13th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
i have thought about this long and hard. i started blogging actually, when i was in a bad relationship and wanted to say something about it and get feedback on it. i have changed my site a few times since then. i have now realized after those changes, that yes, the smart thing to do is to write as though everyone were reading….because they may be.
i have also found, though, that readers are just as thoughtful about privacy as well. t knows that i write my blog and reads it. i’m not dumb, i would NEVER write about anything that was very private or something that i thought would cause hurt feelings between us. but what i find is that when i write some things, people are very hesitant to comment. it’s usually when i’ve said something about t and they know that he reads. i find this facinating…..
January 13th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I’ve been thinking about privacy a lot this week. I will be adding your comment about differentiating between your story and someone else’s story to my goal of 2010. It’s a valuable thing to learn -- what is yours to tell and what isn’t. I wish I’d figured that out back when I started blogging so I wouldn’t have a lot of editing to do in my archives :)
January 13th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Beyond my husband and my son, I try not to use names of other people on my blog. With my son, my goal is to write about my experiences as his mom, not his experiences (so talk about his fails and foibles will be off limits, while mine are fair game). With my husband, I run everything by him that might be questionable, but again, it’s usually about me not him. I don’t write about friends or family, except in the abstract (my mom is cool, I went out with my friend, you know). Maybe it makes my blog sound very self-centered, but I think it’s got to be about MY story and experience without dragging others who may not want to be included on the internet. It’s not fair for me to put someone else’s privacy up for grabs.
January 13th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Oh, big time. You may remember, I changed the name of my blog because I didn’t want my patients googling me and then learning where I had spent the last weekend or what I did for my birthday. Weird. It’s less about the patient’s privacy, although I’m a bear about that, too. I just don’t talk about patients on my blog, unless it is in a very vague, general way. I’ve thought about sharing part of letters that patients have sent me, but they are so personal, I just can’t bring myself to do it.
Privacy is one of the main components of my profession and my life; I think about it all the time.
January 13th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
I have written about my Unbloggables before—there are just some things, namely work, my sex life, the inner-workings of my friendships and family lives. And sure, I don’t always love keeping things secret (you responded so sweetly to my post about being funny) but I also like to draw that line between online and offline. I have always tried to write as if everyone is reading, and I’ve been sort of unsurprised when I’ve gotten emails from random people I had NO CLUE would be Googling me. Still, it’s important. I think/wish/hope other bloggers would be cognizant of this stuff, because I’ve seen too many crash and burn.
January 13th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
I definitely did not give this as much thought when I first starting blogging. And as far as my dreams go…It’s to work on my writing to get it to a point where people love it. Dare to dream.
January 13th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
I think you do an excellent job at making your blog both reflect who you are while also respecting others, and your own, privacy. In fact, sometimes I think to myself when blogging “What Would Nilsa Write?” It has a nice ring to it.
Seriously, though, I mean it.
January 13th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
As you are well aware, my blog is pretty darn anonymous all around. And I don’t know if you were there in the beginning…when a reader showed up at my house…but ever since everything is pretty much off limits.
I talk about work but of course am never specific so even if work found out, I think they’d have a hard case against me. And there’s a LOT I’ve left off the blog about E. and my friends.
I usually just email people extra details if I am comfortable with it. Heck, I barely have time to even blog anymore anyway. ;)
January 14th, 2010 at 1:34 am
I’ve become less and less concerned with privacy on my blog. These days so many of my exes and college friends and high school friends know about it that I really shouldn’t bother to hide my (first) name or my face. It’s likely I’ll clear out a few ancient posts and just start including photos.
That being said, I posted about a dear friend’s tragedy (or really 1/2 of it) as a way to deal with it myself and still wonder if she would be bothered by it. I avoided posting about the second half because she seems focused on making sure the tragedies don’t define her and I can just as easily process it all in my own personal journal.
January 14th, 2010 at 9:55 am
I agree with you, although I haven’t really had that experience with my family and friends. It’s actually the opposite, they love being on my blog. But a lot of the time I will change their names for their privacy (even though they never asked me too).
Matt even searches my blog to see what’s written on him and when I don’t mention him he asks me, “why didn’t you mention me?”
So basically I have weird family and friends!
January 14th, 2010 at 11:31 am
While I don’t have too many subjects I don’t blog about, I do try to keep a sense of privacy in the posts I do write. I always try and get permission before mentioning a third party, even someone close to me like my daughter or wife.
On Facebook, I try not to share too many details, other than what is default in my profile.
For many years, I blogged and posted under a moniker (chillywilly and a few variations on that name). Before I started Banal Leakage, I decided that I wanted to be known by my real name and started changing over to it from my chillywilly.
I also Google myself every few months to see what’s out there in my name. A lot of it is related to Twitter, Facebook and Linkedin. But some of my published works from years ago show up as well.
January 14th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
i struggled with that for a long time. i was public..went private…went public again. i now USUALLY blog like everyone is reading. sometimes i don’t and it comes back to bite me later.
January 14th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
I still need to work on this one. I’ve been a storyteller my whole life -- so blog or not -- I have a tendency to pass on information others may not want me to. I’ve tried to be more cognizant of this in the last couple years, but I know I slip up now and again. Maybe I’ll flag your post here to remind me…