Cupid
Here’s a few things I won’t be doing this weekend:
- Giving or receiving flowers
- Opening a box of chocolates
- Writing sweet nothings in a card
- Making reservations for two
- Wearing sexy lingerie
- Being any more doted on than I am any other weekend of the year
You know why? Because neither Sweets nor I really care about Valentine’s Day. It’s a poor excuse for a holiday that makes people feel ridiculously inadequate. Over the years, I’ve seen it bring out the worst in people.
This whole nonchalance towards Valentine’s Day, well, it’s been around for a while; I’ve never really been into it. For most years of my adult life, when this holiday rolled around, I usually wasn’t dating anyone (hard to believe for those of you who think I’ve been with Sweets forever!). I never dreaded this day. I never met this day with anticipation. I just didn’t care. It was sweet when my parents would send a card. Or a box of chocolates. But, I didn’t miss those things in the years they forgot.
One year, some friends wanted me to go on an Anti-Cupid Pub Crawl. A bunch of bars participated. Offered shuttle service from one bar to the next. We squared ourselves away in one bar. One unbelievably crowded bar. I got my one drink of the night and proceeded to be horrified by the behavior of women. Women behaving badly. I won’t ever forget that one woman, so desperately drunk, that she was literally begging a guy to take her home with him. He refused and I might have seen her cry.
Another story for ya: a friend of my cousin’s was in town around this time of year for business. Since he didn’t really know anyone else, I agreed to go out to dinner with him. This was not a romantical dinner. There was no chance of romance. Just a simple dinner. Well, the restaurant didn’t get that message. Because, apparently they had teamed up with HBO (if I remember correctly) and were giving every *couple* a special gift. It arrived to our table in the form of a box. Before opening said box, we kind of joked about what could be inside. I was sure it was a condom. Which then sent the conversation southbound fast. I finally opened it up, only to find a couple harmless chocolates with the HBO logo (or maybe it was a TV show they were promoting?).
Again, a Valentine’s Day gone wrong. This time, a little at my own expense, though thankfully, it wasn’t a huge deal.
Which brings me to the time I started dating Sweets. I was a happy girl when I was single. And I was (and still am) a happy girl now that Sweets has become a more permanent fixture in my life. I don’t need one day of the year to recognize what he means to me. I don’t need one day of the year to feel validated. I don’t want him only expressing his love for me on this one day. That would be just ridiculous.
You know what else? I don’t want this one day to be exclusively about us. I don’t want single people scrapping around in the weeks leading up to this day feeling like they need someone on this day. I don’t want anyone feeling on the spot about what they do or don’t have. I really don’t want anyone to feel left out. And, I don’t want Hallmark to win the lottery because they deem this day worthy.
Why on earth does Valentine’s Day have to just be about couples? Because, if we’re going to go there, then I’m going to go to that place where I remind you that we don’t allow all couples the same rights, which I find uncivil, ludicrous and just flat out ridiculous. But, aside from my political and cultural views, why can’t this one day be about loving the world around us? Sure, it can be about loving your significant other. But, it should equally be about loving your friends. Your family. Your neighbors. The people who share your commute. Your work colleagues or school mates. And what about all those people whose absolute last thought in the world is this holiday – the people of Haiti, the Sudan and the Middle East? It can be about loving our similarities and our differences. Acceptance. Unity.
Because seriously? This world needs a whole lot less of those horrifically ugly pinkish-red boxes of chocolates and a helluva lot more effort towards peace and simple decency to others.
ANYWAY, since I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen, not this year at least … this weekend? I think Sweets and I will skip the whole Valentine’s Day thing. And instead, we’ll grab dinner with some friends and watch the season premier to The Amazing Race.
How do you plan to spend this weekend?
February 11th, 2010 at 7:47 am
I agree with you for the most a part about Valentines Day. I have never celebrated it before, as an adult. I’ve been in relationships for 8 out of the last 10 Valentines Days and I just never cared. I agree that we should treat each other nice every day. But, this year, i am going to acknowledge valentines day and I’m a little excited.
February 11th, 2010 at 7:59 am
I’d love to hear your take on Sweetest Day.
February 11th, 2010 at 8:17 am
Until I had kids I was very indifferent to Valentine’s Day. Now I usually get each kid a little something…socks with hearts on them, a little headband, or whatever I see that is adorable. I think people should show their love for others every single day, not just on one day, and I certainly don’t think some people (single people) should feel “less than” on a day that is supposed to be about love!
And oh my gosh on the girl begging the guy to take her home! I am sort of laughing about that because last night I had a dream where I was that girl. I woke up kind of disgusted with myself!
February 11th, 2010 at 8:37 am
“Because seriously? This world needs a whole lot less of those horrifically ugly pinkish-red boxes of chocolates and a helluva lot more effort towards peace and simple decency to others.”
LOVE this. And you’re totally right. I’m hoping to send out little cards to my friends and coworkers as WELL as my Sweet, because if it’s a day to recognise loving somebody, I’ve got more than one person I should take the opportunity to tell :)
February 11th, 2010 at 9:01 am
It is a soft holiday for us, we don’t go out of the way, we don’t got to the overpriced pre fix menu. We just celebrate each other, our quirks, our strengths and our joys. There will be no fancy chocolate just a special dinner of hand made ravioli with homemade ricotta.
I agree that the world needs more love not just those who are coupled, but if one day a year reminds people what love is, what it is like to feel it (from a partner, family or friend) maybe just maybe it will move beyond Feb. 14.
February 11th, 2010 at 9:03 am
I’m pretty indifferent to Valentines Day. In college my friends and I all used to go out to dinner and the movies, it was a tradition that carried on past college as well, with or without significant others. Now we’re spread a bit further out it makes it harder. I’m all about celebrating my friends and family — all the time. =)
February 11th, 2010 at 9:07 am
Ohh, Nilsa. Do I need to even say how much I love this post? Some days, I come to your blog and honestly think, “Shoot—she took the words right out of my mouth.”
I always buy myself flowers on Valentine’s Day. And then remind myself that I should do that much, much more often.
February 11th, 2010 at 9:12 am
I’m not totally anti-Vday but I don’t and never have gone all bananas on the day either. We will grill steaks at home, Tim will drink enough red wine for both of us, and we’ll RELAX! And that? PERFECT to me!
February 11th, 2010 at 9:18 am
I like the idea of expanding Valentine’s day -- if it is going to exist anyway -- to a day that is about love in general. Husband and I don’t really do the V-day thing. We do tend to have dinner together -- at home -- and drink a nice bottle of wine and chat. But my favorite Valentines? Always the ones my mom gives me. They are sporadic. Sometimes a card. Sometimes a few chocolates. But coming from her, it is somehow a bit unexpected -- and I love that. It’s probably the one day of the year where I am surprised by how deep my mother’s love is for me.
February 11th, 2010 at 9:23 am
My weekend will be spent by myself for the most part. My friend is having a Mary Kay party that I said that I would attend, but otherwise CP is at a bachelor party in NYC so it will be me and Fuzzy Britches!!
CP and I never go out for dinner on Valentine’s Day b/c we hate how much restaurants jack up the price….but we do use the day as an excuse to go out to dinner at some point. I will probably spend a lot of Sunday making dinner for CP…hopefully he doesn’t come home too exhausted!
February 11th, 2010 at 10:05 am
I hate Valentine’s Day, but for entirely selfish reasons. My birthday is the 16th and I hate Valentine’s Day stealing my thunder. Never fails, I would be dating a guy, he’d do the typical, generic Valentine’s Day thing — he’d buy overpriced, half-dead flowers, take me out to dinner where we’d wait forever and then not be able to order off the regular menu, we’d be stuck with their limited Valentine’s package menu thing. Then my birthday would come around and he’d be too holidayed out to go out and celebrate. Maybe that makes me a brat, but no use in denying it.
February 11th, 2010 at 10:06 am
im right there with you. i never felt much pressure when i was single (and i’ve been single for many a valentine’s day). i also went to one of those anti-valentine’s day parties. lord help me. this year, we’re just going to probably make waffles together in the morning, do our usual sunday stuff, and make a nice dinner together at night. i got him a funny card and some scratch tickets. hopefully he wins big! we already said we’re pretty much not into the holiday. i love him every day of the year, and sure, ill tell him so a little extra on sunday. but we’re not going all out.
February 11th, 2010 at 10:12 am
I always send valentine’s cards to my grandma because it makes me happy and it makes her happy and that’s about it. I’m taking a new blues dance lesson on Valentine’s Day this year.
February 11th, 2010 at 10:13 am
I commented this same opinion on another blog discussing how loving your significant other shouldn’t be reduced to one day a year. I enjoy the “idea” of celebrating a day of LOVE. Crafting lovely things, looking at inspiring photography of love, reading stories of love…but LOVE IN ALL FORMS. Not just because the day declares you to buy a rose and some candy and go to Red Lobster or Outback for dinner with the person you’re with.
February 11th, 2010 at 10:32 am
I celebrate the holiday by sending out cards to my friends who are just as important to me as having a boyfriend!
I will be spending this V-Day seeing The Wolfman & getting a burrito from Chipotle. Probably sleeping in and hitting the gym too. I don’t really dread the day anymore, as a matter of fact I’m kind of whatever about it. What I don’t like is that Valentine’s day stuff is in stores the day after Christmas. That’s just a tad ridiculous if you ask me.
February 11th, 2010 at 10:40 am
I’ve spent so many V-days without a someone that I’ve grown accustomed to either ignoring the holiday or sending friends love notes. I don’t buy into V-day for a lot of the reasons you stated.
February 11th, 2010 at 10:57 am
I so hear you on this one! And for some reason, I actually keep forgetting about the “holiday” this year. In fact, just this morning as I talked to someone about their weekend plans I realized oh yeah, I guess I’m having dinner on Sunday. We were going to do the fancy dinner out thing, but I just don’t want to go through all the “show” of it and can’t see spending the money. Instead, he’s offered to make dinner for me and I couldn’t be happier. As for gifts- really? I just don’t get it.
Your plans sound lowkey and fun. Hope you have a great weekend. :)
February 11th, 2010 at 11:22 am
I am sappy in a certain way. I like the idea Valentine’s Day. I like there being a specific day celebrate love. Sure, love should be celebrated every day, but how about Mother’s Day? Mothers should be celebrated every day too, but we still give them a special day.
As a single girl, it does suck a little. But last year I went out to dinner with my few married and few single friends and their kids for pizza. The kids made us all Valentines and gave us cookies. And that was one of the best Valentines ever. This year the boy and I are going down to Atlantic City for the night. Not super romantic, but something that we both like to do.
February 11th, 2010 at 11:31 am
this is exactly how i feel about valentine’s day! i’m glad i’m single at the moment, but even when i was with my ex-bf valentines day irked me because it felt really contrived, just a hallmark scam to make more $ off of greeting cards! while it’s nice to have a special day to give your love a little extra attention, it shouldn’t be scheduled into your calendar by the powers that be :). ugh so sad/lame about that lady at the pub crawl, i vow NEVER to be that woman!
February 11th, 2010 at 11:40 am
I’m kinda with you on this. We SORTA celebrate but not romantically. We just use the day as another day to buy eachother something. No sappy cards or notes…just good practical gifts we’ve been wanting. BUT NOW we have Livie. And her birthday is tomorrow. It’ll always be right before Valentine’s day and it’ll always take up our money every year for her party/gifts. SO this weekend we’ll be like you. We’ll have her party Saturday. Sit home Sunday and watch the Amazing Race as well :)
February 11th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
The thing about V-Day being all about couples is so interesting. A couple people on my post yesterday commented that they like V-Day much more since having kids and doing fun kiddie V-Day related stuff. I suspect I’ll like V-Day a bit more when I have kids, too.
February 11th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Pretty much how my wife and I feel about this overrated holiday. I do get my wife a card, but that’s about all I have planned.
My biggest deal is with all of the damn store crap on the shelves. It’s not about the candy or cards or anything. Plus as you said, it shouldn’t be just one day a year.
As for our plans this weekend, we are going to the bar with my wife’s brother to hang out for a bit. Sunday night… just at home watching TV together.
February 11th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Amen! I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. My definition of romance is very different than the card companies’ / jewellery industry’s definition of romance so celebrating Valentine’s Day would be insincere on my part. Why bother? It’s just another excuse to spend money. Sunday night will definitely be spent watching the Amazing Race with Shawn and the puppies.
February 11th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Let’s see…this weekend we will be doing date night (on Friday), not because it’s Valentines day, but because it’s a weekend day and sometimes we need to be sans baby, ya know? On Valentines Day itself? We’ll probably be doing our taxes. So that’s romantic and all.
I’m sort of ambivalent about valentine’s in general, in a, sure send me flowers if you want but you don’t have to kind of way. I know the depth of my husbands love for me, and me for him, and don’t need a “special” day to pronounce that.
Although, I will stock up on candy hearts (that I buy myself) because I LOVE them and can’t get them the rest of the year. Mmmmm, chalky sweet goodness.
February 11th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
My favorite Valentine’s Day associations have nothing to do with being part of a couple. As you know, last year I had a few girls over and we had so much fun that my apartment looked like we’d had a kegger and a purple feather-filled pillow fight. In college, my dad would always send strawberries. I’m sure they came from South America and cost the earth more than they needed to, but I cried every time. It was my little piece of California while buried away by snow and prep for mid-terms. This year my best friend is here. That she managed to get out of New England before the storms hit is present enough for me!
It also happens to be Chinese New Year, which we’ll also be celebrating.
February 11th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
I worked at the Hallmark store in high school. I’m very well versed in the commercialism of EVERY holiday, and I have to say…I don’t totally mind some of the hype around this one. Just like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, V Day pushes me to acknowledge people that I might not do such special things for the rest of the days of the year. Does this make me unthoughtful? Probably. I should probably be showing affection for, and giving gifts and cards to the people I care about all year long. But I don’t. So it’s nice to have this shove to remind me.
Mr. W and I aren’t doing anything special. Making a nice dinner at home, probably watching a DVD. But there will be cards, and his will probably make me cry (as always). These V Days are great, but my favorites were actually when I was single. I always found V Day to be a really fun night to go out with other single friends. But maybe, like you said, that’s because we were loving each other even though we weren’t in couples…
February 11th, 2010 at 7:25 pm
I just love this post. And this?
“Why on earth does Valentine’s Day have to just be about couples? Because, if we’re going to go there, then I’m going to go to that place where I remind you that we don’t allow all couples the same rights, which I find uncivil, ludicrous and just flat out ridiculous.”
I love A LOT.
February 11th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
The crying drunk woman — whoa. I would hate to witness that!
I really don’t care about Valentine’s Day. I think it’s just another example of people making a big deal out of nothing. It’s nice that people send out cards to friends and all, sure. But I’m just so wiped after Thanksgiving, Mister’s birthday two weeks before Christmas, Christmas, my birthday in mid-January, and my mom’s birthday on your mom’s birthday :) that I just don’t have any energy left for a silly holiday. One thing I really don’t like? It makes going out to dinner a bitch, especially on a weekend, and that’s when I like to go out!
February 11th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
I respect your feelings towards Valentines Day, but I like it. I like to get something for my kids and have it waiting for them when they come downstairs in the morning and later sharing a heart shaped ice cream cake with the family. Any excuse to do something special with the family and to practice traditions is fine with me. But that’s me.
This weekend, we hope to make it back to O’Hare on Saturday night from our COLD vacation in Florida. Since our flight is late and who knows if it will be delayed to even later, I hope to rest on Sunday.
February 11th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Amen, sistah!
I have not celebrated Valentine’s Day since high school. Lucky for me, my husband treats me like a princess every day of the year. We feel pity for people who have to wait until this one day in the year to feel loved.
That being said, I do send my mom a card every year for Valentine’s Day. She’s single with no prospects since she and my father divorced a million years ago, so if anyone deserves a Valentine’s Day treat in the mail, its her.
February 11th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
This is just another regular weekend for me. I do like Valentine’s Day and spend it pampering myself because I love me too! I also spread the love to friends and family. That’s what Valentine’s Day should be about.
February 11th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Even though I have been single nearly every Vday of my life, I still like the holiday. I know people should show their love every day of the year, but I do like that there is one day of the year that people are reminded to say ‘I love you’ to their friends & family. I definitely make it a day to celebrate all the different kinds of love in my life.
But i totally agree w/ you on the commercialization of this holiday. If i did have a boyfriend, we wouldn’t be going all out for Vday. We’d probably babysit my nephews, that’s it. Nothing more than that! I don’t need flowers or a candy or an over-the-top gift. I’d rather get flowers on a random Wednesday or find a thoughtful card on my pillow on a random Tuesday.
February 11th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
Love this! I’m a big fan of Valentines Day because it’s kind of the epitome of a joke holiday for me, it’s all about pressure and weirdness, so we’re just taking the time to be a little more together.
Mister is taking a long weekend, and I’m starting on a technology fast that I’m really looking forward to: no internet or phone from Friday -- Tuesday =)
February 12th, 2010 at 6:11 am
I’ve always been single on Valentine’s day, and it affected me more when I was younger wondering why nobody would get me a card. And now I’ve realised not to be bothered -- if someone wants to tell you they like you, they should have the balls to do it on ANY day, they shouldn’t be given an excuse i.e. Valentines Day. It’s all commercialised crap, and I’ll be doing the same as you -- normal stuff!
February 12th, 2010 at 9:56 am
I keep forgetting this weekend is Valentine’s day weekend and then a commercial, sign or whatever pops up and reminds me. So that pretty much tells you what I think of it. It’s a silly day. If you want to tell someone you love them -- and I mean anyone -- just do it. Any day, any year, any month.
This weekend though a friend is coming into town which basically means I’ll be spending some time with her!
February 12th, 2010 at 10:35 am
I do like chocolate though. No but seriously, I agree. I told my guy that he doesn’t need to do anything more than he already does to show and tell me he loves me, especially not because Hallmark tells him to. that said, I do like to reap the benefits of sales for this, or any, holiday.
February 17th, 2010 at 11:24 am
I’ve always loved V-Day but only because I didn’t make it about being single or hating love and couples. I was more often single then taken on V Day and I used the day to share my love with friends and family :) I totally agree that it should be about that and not feeling like its the end of the world if you have no S.O.