Have I mentioned recently how many tears one deals with when raising a toddler? I mean, I know I gush about how easy Gavin is. And I truly feel that way in a big picture kind of way, but this kid knows how to throw down with the best of the toddler bunch. Like the photo above, where we tried to take some fun family photos with a local photographer. Instead, we dealt with a grumpy toddler who wouldn’t smile for the camera and spent most of the the time in tears. A glimpse into a typical day raising our toddler:
Morning: Lying down on his changing table, happily engrossed in his Elmo counting and colors toy, Gavin squeezes shut his knees, making it impossible for me to change his diaper. He giggles, thinking it’s funny. But, the minute I get serious, he fights back. Kicking. Squirming. Screaming. Sometimes even hitting and scratching, too. He hates getting his diaper changed and will forgo a few moments with his beloved Elmo in order to ensure my job is not completed with ease.
Afternoon: The minute we enter his classroom at daycare, he screams a happy scream and runs across the room to us. That’s just about the only highlight of afternoon pick-ups. He then demands to be picked up. Fights putting on his coat. Screams and squirms as we try to put him in his car seat; goes stiff as a board, refusing to sit back or to let us get his arms through the seat belt. Demands his boppy (i.e., pacifier, which we no longer have in the car) and then demands donuts as if that’s what comes next if the boppy isn’t available (the kid loves his donuts, but we only give them to him as sweet treats on the weekends). He screams and cries the whole way home (thankfully, it’s a whopping total of 4 blocks) and then, realizing we’re almost home, whines for “more ride, MORE RIDE.”
Night: Bath time is always a joyous time around our house, that is, unless Gavin has to be washed (i.e., every bath) or Sweets is giving the bath (i.e., 95% of the time) … then, it’s high-pitched screaming “no no no, mommy, mommy, mommy.” And it only gets worse when it’s time to be dried off (something Gavin hates no matter which caretaker is doing it). He then proceeds to fight having lotion put on him or having to get into his pajamas. He is a master at being contrary.
Award-winning tantrum: The other night, I was solo parenting and Gavin proceeded to have a MELTDOWN in the common stairwell in our building. There was no reasoning with him whatsoever. He was on the ground, face down, spread eagle, kicking and screaming. All he wanted was to be picked up, so was screaming “Uppy, uppy, uppy,” which is his version of “up, please.” All I wanted was for him to stand up to make it easier for me to pick him up (not an unreasonable request, as far as I’m concerned). No dice, so the tantrum ensued. After 10 minutes, I decided to grant him temporary immunity (so our neighbors wouldn’t forever hate us) and picked him up to walk upstairs. But, once we were inside our unit, I put him right back down on the ground, took off his coat (no, mommy, no), put it away (me, mommy, me) and walked into the kitchen (uppy, mommy, uppy). Gavin proceeded to kick, flail, cry, scream, squirm, wiggle, pout, bat his arms at nothing in the air and so on for another 10-15 minutes. I asked Gavin if he was ready to calm down and talk/use his words. His answer: NOOOOOOOOOO. So, I went back to getting dinner ready and putting out food for him while he wailed and flailed. And then, something clicked. He got tired of crying or tired or me ignoring him or hungry or something … he stopped his tantrum, pulled up to our island and sat like a good boy to eat dinner.
And while the award-winning tantrum is fairly rare, the other examples I gave are things we deal with on a day-to-day basis. Why on earth do I put up with it, maybe even gloss over it in favor of all the super sweet moments? Because the super sweet moments are worth waiting for.
Like the time when Sweets was leaving for work and out of nowhere, Gavin said, “Bye, babe.” (Ahem, guilty!)
Or the night we were all lounging in bed, teaching Gavin how to say our first names and watching him overflow with goofy pride when he’d say our names correctly.
Or the random dinner, when Gavin was standing on a step-stool, eating at the counter (very common in our house) and firmly stating, “Rock and Roll!” when neither Sweets nor I had said anything of the sort.
And the times when we’re ready to leave daycare and ask Gavin to say goodbye to his teachers and he marches up to them one by one, giving hugs and saying “tank tou” and “goodbye” and charming the pants off of them with his coy smile.
And the evenings when Gavin says, “c’mon mommy” and when asked where we’re going, he says “hand, hallway” and then, when passing the dog, he gives this inclusive wave and says “c’mon SoMi,” as if the family parade down the hallway is something everyone would want to do.
And the days when we do roll through the Dunkin Donuts drive-through and Gavin lights up with a huge smile on his face and yells, “DONUTS” and when I ask him what kind, he responds with “caulklit” and reminds us that Sweets will be ordering “coffee” too.
It’s almost impossible to capture every moment with a toddler, but trust me when I say it’s amazing. Sure, it’s a roller coaster and we parents and caretakers deal with some crazy mood swings. But, toddlers are a passionate bunch. And that means dealing with super annoying lows in order to experience the elation that comes with the highs and all the hilarious moments in-between.
What are some memorable toddler meltdown moments that you’ve witnessed with your own children, relatives or strangers on the street?
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh boy I have witnessed some epic tantrums being around my nephews. I think the best was when my brother and his family got to the lake to celebrate Christmas with us. They had already celebrated Christmas with my SIL’s family so my nephew was sort of worn out. They were going to open presents right away and Andrew just flat out refused and threw a temper tantrum. My brother said, and I quote, “You will either open these presents or you will take a nap.” Which is just hilarious to listen to that ultimatum because you would think every kid would pick presents. Nope. Andrew picked a nap.
Then this Christmas, my 4 year old nephew was way tired when we were opening gifts so when he got to my gift (of books) he was PISSED. He threw the books behind him and was MAD. My brother and SIL tried to get him to say thank you and he wouldn’t even look at me. They felt so bad but I just saw the humor in the moment as I know he was just way way overtired.
Since it’s not my child, I tend to sort of quietly laugh when I witness temper tantrums. I mean, imagine if us adults laid on the ground and kicked and screamed when things didn’t go our way or we were overtired (I totally could have done this last week in Charlotte. Ha.)
It is incredible to me how… natural? the tantrums are. Like they just magically start. My 18-month-old nephew has them to the point where he either holds his breath until nearly passing out, or lies silently face-down on the floor until someone comes to see if he’s still breathing. I mean, so dramatic. And for the most dumbfounding things. “No, you cannot sit in the refrigerator.” WAHHHHH, LIFE IS TERRIBLE.
I have to admit, though, as an adult there have been times when I want to throw myself on the ground and scream, too. I’d probably injure something doing it, though.
Mine don’t really throw tantrums on that scale, but they definitely have their moments…LK, especially. She always has to have like 40 things in her bed when she sleeps (toys, books, stuffed animals, sippy cups) and periodically wakes up in a tither because she can’t find whatever she is looking for. Generally, she has no idea what she actually wants, so she goes into the living room and gets the first thing she sees and pretends that is what she was looking for…
Listen, the kid is smart. He likes donuts after all. *high five Gavin!*
(I’ll be sending you earplugs in the mail.)
All of this sounds like normal 18-month to two-year-old behavior. Gavin sounds a lot like Sophie. I was not a fan of TWO. TWO was challenging. Sophie went through a phase where she did not want to let me buckle her in to her car seat at the end of the school day. Every day, screaming and flailing and crying while I’m basically having to force her into the seat and buckle her against her will. She pulled that throw-herself-on-the-ground-and-cry thing with me in public several times and after the first few, when calmness, pleading, waiting it out, and every other trick didn’t seem to work, I just remained calm and started saying “Bye” and pretended to start walking away. Which led to her jumping up and running after me, suddenly OK and not wanting to be left behind. I also carried her, crying, out of two birthday parties that year when she had meltdowns. I literally slung her over my shoulder and we just left. Party over.
Luckily, THREE and FOUR are SO much better than two. I am finding FOUR particularly magical. Hang in there…this too shall pass.
The donuts thing is pretty adorable.
As to tantrums, it has been a while since I’ve had to endure one but I’m totally ok with that because they are the worst. Belle is the queen of tantrums, at least to me. I mean wow. The screaming, the kicking, the threatening to run away (at which point I have to try NOT to laugh), the flailing, the yes/no behavior. Oy. It’s not fun at all. And putting on PJ’s bed time? The worst. Ever. Jolie is the queen of silent treatment and pouting.
Morning: Interesting you said that as soon as you get serious, he fights back. Maybe you need to get funny/silly instead ;). Afternoon: The car seat struggle — we had that for a while. Kids…why do they ask for inappropriate things during a tantrum. Funny that he asks for a donut when obviously his behavior is undeserving of one. Good luck. This soon will pass! Certainly, our boys charm the pants off of us and others all the time. And just like you, the sweet moments/days we have with J, far outweigh the tantrum times! We went to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner after a long day for both of us at work and school. Obviously he was tired and probably hungry, but I thought he might be able to last through the trip. Well, right when I was about to leave, he wanted to get out of the shopping car/cart. He kept leaning into the aisles and I kept telling him to get back in. In the checkout line, he kept screaming he wanted to get out. When we got outside, he refused to get out of the car/cart. I pushed him and the cart to the car, and he still refused to get out. I left him and the cart in the covered-cart-storage and finally had to drag him out. I was so frustrated! He cried all the way home. Finally we both calmed down and I explained to him why I was mad and if he wanted to go to the store next time, he better be good. Well, these tantrums just teach me a lesson. They happen because it’s my fault. I should have given him a snack first, or just went myself another time. No reason to put him in a situation to fail.
I have two awesome,perfect,wonderful adult children (insert major eyeroll) My oldest, now 24 and a boy, could throw some serious tantrums. Our youngest, now 21,never hit the same level as her older brother but she had her fair share. Anyway, I would have to say the public ones got to me the most. Out of pure embarrassment. I read the books and they all said to ignore the people around you and not give in but still the tantrums sucked and he knew I was dying so my son definitely gave it his all. His ultimate worse was at the mall. I thought for sure the cops were going to be called, I was loudly saying, now sweetheart “MOMMY, loves you please stop” just so people were sure I was his mother and thank goodness my husband showed up and picked his little bottom up and carried him screaming to the car. He had stiffened so tight and I had his sister too,while my husband had gone off to check on something when my son lost it. I could have died that day of embarrassment. I hope someday he experiences the same fun :) I totally understand what you are going through and understand the total delight too!!
While I can’t speak of being a parent when a toddler has a antrum, I can remember one that my brother had. He was about 2 or 2 1/2 and I was 5. We were at a store with my parents looking for a suit for my dad. My brother just lost it, face down kicking, crying. then got up and stomped his feet.
There were these two older women in the store and one looked at the other and said “Look at the little boy dance” My brother was so stunned by that he did not have a melt down that epic again.
My poor parents were mortified!
Just yesterday JD was so excited to go outside and play in the snow until he realized it meant putting on snow pants. Oh what a fit he threw! Eventually we all went outside for all of 30 minutes because the snow had changed to freezing rain.
But this morning while watching This Old House I commented that the woman had a nice smile. I leaned in close to JD asking who else had a nice smile but before I could say he had a nice smile and cover his face in kisses, he said Mommy! Swoon! xoxo
I recall that age with my nephew. That’s about the time I watched him a lot and even changed my work schedule to spend mornings with him a couple days a week. The highs are high and the lows are low (like on the ground kicking and crying, def). But when they are cute/sweet, man, it’s just heart melting! I try to have sympathy for parents dealing with a kid having a massive tantrum in public. That must be so hard.
Clearly this is your failure as a parent for not recognizing Gavin’s deep psychological needs. Next time he has a tantrum you must stroke him on the back and reassure him that he is loved and finally give in to his demands. In the big picture you should hang Gavin from a sling around your neck until he is 13 and feed him only a gluten free, soy free, sugar free, taste free, raw, macrobiotic diet. Do not let him engage in any strenuous physical activity that might lead to injury, unless of course he begs you at which point you should again give in a reassure him that he is God’s gift to mankind. I also believe that Gavin’s a bit behind in Chess and Japanese lessons (I recommend starting both at 3 months), but if you start now he should be OK. I mean the kids never gonna get in to Harvard because you’ve done too much damage already, but if you heed my advice he may just have a shot at Yale.
Good to know that Gavin’s a normal kid who has tantrums just like they all do ;)
Okay the “bye babe” story is the best ever. I would have laughed over that one for days!
My sister’s younger daughter was a big cryer and meltdowner. I can remember my sister sending her to her room to cry and telling her she could come out when she was done crying. It was hilarious how she would reappear 10 minutes later with a smile and say, “I’m done crying, Mommy!” Toddlers are endlessly entertaining…
Love, love, love the “bye, babe” story!
Braden really hasn’t (or hadn’t) been one to throw too many tantrums. I think I remember one tantrum that I would describe as “epic”, and it happened shortly after Ciaran was born. So that right there might have explained it. The tipping point? I don’t remember, except to say that it was something small and completely undeserving of such drama. (At least, in my opinion… but I guess Braden saw it differently!)
More recently, we have had two tantrums, and they were both related to sleep. One was on a day when Braden flat out refused to take a nap, and the other one was when he said “I don’t need to sleep” at bedtime (which led to a rather emotional bedtime saga that almost brought me to tears!). Braden has always been a great sleeper, but lately he is a lot more defiant as he tries to control when he goes down for naps and bedtime, when he wakes up, etc. Since those two episodes, he has continued to do some protesting at times, but nothing too extreme. I’ve just tried to stay consistent in my expectations, and we are also trying to give him a little positive reinforcement with stickers when he uses “good sleep manners”.
I said to someone recently that I can’t wait to hit the “threes”, since I’m definitely being thrown a few curve balls during this “twos” stage. And this person warned me that the “terrible twos” often becomes the “terrible threes”, and that I should really be counting down until the “fours”. That wasn’t too reassuring, so instead I’ve decided to try focusing on the many, many things that make me smile about Braden at this age, and the fact that some day I am going to wish he was two-years old again. (And truly, there are many more smiles than tears!) :)
Hang in there!!!
Not being a parent, I tend to laugh at other people’s kids when they are having tantrums. My friend’s 2 year old threw one and we all took photos of her with our phones. I guess I am just mean, but the tantrums seem so out of the blue. I always wonder what is going through their minds when they are doing it. Like you said, all of a sudden, whether they come to their senses, or just get hungry, they are done with the tantrum. It’s strange.
Grady has started with the tantrums already (nothing huge, he’s just starting to assert himself.) I’m scared of the REAL tantrums that are inevitably going to happen. Right now the biggest struggle is getting him into his highchair or his carseat (he hates being strapped down and confined.) He arches his back, flails his arms, shouts “NONONONONO” – it’s no fun for anyone.