Generally speaking, I play by the rules. If breaking the rules has no bearing on others, it doesn’t bother me when others break the rules, However, in certain situations, I become very impatient when people don’t play by the rules, particularly when people’s actions make them appear disrespectful of others around them. The gym is a fascinating study in human behavior (or misbehavior, as the case may be). People walk where you’re supposed to run; people use cell phones despite signs asking you not to; they hog equipment when conversing with others, even when people are waiting to use it; they take over two stretching mats when they could make do with just one; yes, I’ve seen all of this and more.
I used to belong to a gym that was also a medical fitness center, which means they also helped people heal from things like heart attacks, strokes, broken bones, etc. Being a medical fitness center translated into this: the average age of people utilizing the gym was A LOT older than typical gyms. Therefore, oftentimes (though, not all the time), the people committing such heinous crimes (ha) were the elderly. And so, I found myself getting darn frustrated with a bunch of very sweet, though not always with it “older” people (I really should be careful of whom I call old). When we let our membership to that gym lapse, I didn’t miss certain parts about it, that’s for sure.
A few weeks ago, Sweets and I started watching the next season of one of our very favorite shows: Lisa Ling’s Our America on the Oprah Winfrey Network. If you haven’t ever seen this show, please, go now. Find your TV listings. Set your DVR. You can thank me later.
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This one particular episode we watched was called the Secret Lives of Seniors. It discussed the challenges of aging, specifically the desire and need to remain independent, despite a body that might need help. I was moved by the show and that surprised me. I had living grandparents until I was in my late 20s and now we’re dealing with our very own aging parents (ha, I’m kidding; my parents and Sweets’ parents read this blog regularly, so I figured it’d get their goat if I said something to that effect). But, seriously, I really did feel like I had “exposure” to the aging process prior to watching this show. And yet, something in me softened as we watched it. I gained a new, albeit still incomplete understanding for what it means to maintain independence as you age.
Around the same time that we watched Our America, Sweets and I had a conversation about my well-being. I wasted no time after that conversation and decided to re-join that medical fitness center. And, even though I had been running outside in very cold weather, I started running on the indoor track again. Some things don’t change: the place is still crawling with older people. I’ve been playing around with what times I go to the gym – early morning after dropping off Gavin at daycare, lunch on days I work from home and evenings after work. No matter what time I go, *they* are still there. (Amazing what retirement does for one’s schedule!)
But, this time it feels different. If someone is walking in the Jog lane, I ask myself whether they even realize there are lane specifications. I’m faster to smile than I am to huff. Just last week, I started taking a barbell power class and found myself following the lead of an older woman who was in the row in front of me (she was pretty much kicking my ass in this class!). This time around, rather than getting frustrated, I find myself thinking that I’ll be darn lucky if I’m as mobile and independent as these people are when I reach their age.
Have you learned anything from generations other than your own (older or younger)? Has a TV program ever moved you to see the world differently? What heinous crimes have you witnessed at your local gym or exercise center?
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I have learned a lot from watching my paternal grandparents age. I have a lot of respect for my grandma who will turn 90 this spring. She lost my grandpa 4 years ago today and I know if it was up to her, she’d be with him now… but she keeps on keeping on. She moved out of the home they lived in for 60 years and into an apartment in the past year and has really thrived in her new environment. She still walks every day (well, when the weather isn’t so awful, so not much these days) and I have never beat her at Scrabble because she is SO good. I hope I am as healthy as she is at age 90!! I will have to check out that show you referenced!
I have a lot more patience for older people and especially mobility-impaired people since my dad’s accident. It really shifts your perspective when it happens to someone you know…
I can’t watch the show! We don’t have cable. But I’ll take your word for it that it’s good. :)
I’m not a gym person because I just really don’t like them. The only time that I did ever belong to a gym was when I lived in Boston and it was only for women. That gym was actually really clean (I don’t know if it had anything to do with the fact that again, it was only all women).
I see people a lot older than me going out for runs in our neighborhood and I am just at awe because I hope that one day if I even make it to their age, that I will still be that healthy and move like that. I just want to high five them.
No way! Old people are the worst! Between the discounts on bus fare, free health care and the ability to say whatever they want without repercussion, they already have it made…they don’t need to be given extra consideration at the gym!!!
I’m really hoping this is a sarcastic comment. Otherwise, when you are old and gray, I hope you remember this comment you left.
For those who don’t know dear Accidentally Me, this comment drips with sarcasm.
Thank you for the clarification. I didn’t think that you’d be friends with someone cold hearted.
Sweet post Nilsa. I am already worrying about that loss of independence feeling that comes with aging so I can imagine what our seniors must be going through.
Two great topics in this post! First, inconsiderate people at the gym. Loud talkers, grunters, meat heads talking and grunting loudly at the weights. Flirting, gawking (not at me). Those are two biggest pet peeves. Second, the elderly. I guess I’m lucky that my dad was much older than other dads. He was 60 when he had me. Can you believe? I can hardly believe it when I think it about. But then again, his age was never a factor growing up. His age didn’t stop him from taking us fun places like amusement parks EVERY summer, fruit orchards, dim sum (mmmmmm…). His age didn’t stop him from taking me on my first roller coaster. Didn’t stop him from mowing the lawn, doing housework, teaching me life skills. Didn’t stop him from walking on the treadmill, walking outside, doing Tai Chi daily. Like you said about that woman in the front row of the barbell class, I’ll be LUCKY, darn lucky, if I am as active and strong as my dad was between 60 and 80 years old. And when I see older people, they just remind me of my dad and make me smile. I commend those still walking around on their own, am touched with they are with their children and grandchildren, and am heartbroken by those who are less fortunate in their health and/or family situation. Elder abuse in nursing homes make me sick. Oh, and I have heard great things about Lisa Ling’s show! I don’t think we subscribe to OWN though.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have my Gram near me for the last five years; she has taught me a lot about patience, not taking health for granted, learning from her stories about when she was younger, how to maintain independence despite being a working woman and more. She’s got no filter and says what she wants and she can be quite demanding but I guess considering she’s 89 she has every right to be. We have grown closer over the years and I’m forever thankful for all that she’s opened my eyes to!
Wow, this is a very timely read for me. Just two hours ago, I had a similar experience with an older gentleman at our gym. Like yours, it’s also a medical facility (It’s owned and run by the hospital Tim works for), so the average age is HIGH. I usually love it. This morning, as I was bee bopping in, this older man I’ve never seen before was on one of the exercise bikes, and he waved at me and blew me a kiss!?!?! I was kinda baffled by it all and just kept walking. I hadn’t even started my treadmill workout when he started walking towards me. He handed me a screw and said, “I need you to keep this until I come ask for it again.” And he walked off. I looked at the older gentleman on the treadmill beside me and he laughed. He turned to the other two older gentlemen on the other side of him and said something to them, and they all laughed. (See, I told you there’s lots of old folks at my gym). I started running, and a few minutes later the gentlemen who gave me the screw came back and said, “It’s good. You can throw that away any time you wish.” He again quickly turned and walked away. The sweet old man beside me says, “huh, I think he’s sick.” Sure enough, I asked one of the trainers, and he is just an old man who’s not thinking straight any more. As I got off the treadmill, the man beside me said, “now you be careful with that man in here.” I appreciate the sentiment, but I also wanted to say, “he may be 40 years older than me and 50 pounds heavier than me, but I assure you I can handle my own.” :)
I was really blessed to have had 5 grandparents growing up; a Grandma on my dad’s side and a full set of Grandparents and Great Grandparents on my mom’s. Unfortunately now it’s just my maternal Grandma. Fortunately though, she’s in great health and I adore her. I learned two major things from her. First, to not be afraid to ask for help. This is something that I’m not good at, but seeing that sadly, at 85, my Grandma is still terrible about it. She never “wants to bother anyone” and not in a passive aggressive way, she literally doesn’t want to bother anyone which is ridiculous because none of us would ever feel put out and would love to help her so that’s a lesson in how not to be. Secondly I learned that you’re never too old to get some new hobbies. For my Grandma those are; reality tv (Teen Mom is her favorite, but she was also watching Breaking Amish for awhile) and celebrity autobiographies. My Grandpa was an avid reader, but no one remembers my Grandmother ever reading a book until 2 years ago. A few months ago on the phone my aunt actually said to me, “Well Grandma just finished the second Chelsea Handler book so she now knows about all of Chelsea’s sexual exploits.” Yea she’s not always like other Grandmothers…
I love that show (although I missed the senior episode). It would probably have been a very useful episode for me as I haven’t had any grandparents since high school. CP has one grandparent left, but she lives in NH and doesn’t travel so we won’t see her very often.
Found your site through Lisa @ expandng.com. Not really from older or younger generation but I have learned to be much more tolerant of other parents ever since becoming a parent myself whereas when I was single or without kids of my own, there was a lot of times I just couldn’t understand how parents would just let their kids throw tantrums in public. Now I know that a lot of times they really can’t help it and when kids want to throw a tantrum or have a melt down it will happen. Looking forward to reading more of your posts!
There are all ages, shapes, and types of folks in my dance class and I am always a bit amazed at some of the older women who can jump and leap and bend better than I can. There are a few in particular that I hope to emulate when I am older. I often find myself frustrated when it comes to older people driving, like the very elderly, very deaf man who hit my car while I was parked getting gas a couple months ago who seemed surprised when I ran after him to tell him what he did and instead of turning around he drove off! So now I have a dent in my car to remind me of him (how thoughtful). I see my mom and my husband’s parents aging and it’s stressful. I try to enjoy what time I have with them because I know it will never feel like enough when they are gone.
I was talking with a friend recently who has been helping more lately with her father-in-law, who is in his 80′s. She remarked how, when taking him on errands, etc. (one place they always go is his fitness center) she never really realized how people treat seniors. How they immediately start talking slower, and louder, just because someone is old. It really is it’s own kind of profiling, in a way.
I still have a grandma, and probably because of who she is and has been in my life, seniors are right up there with children and animals in my book. If I see someone treating them badly, I will be all up in your business.
Lisa Ling’s documentaries are extraordinary! I’ve seen many (not the one with the senior citizens though ;) I’ll hunt it down.)
Having seen my great-aunt (the one that passed away last month) age and still keep her independence (one thing she constantly talked about as her ONE sole goal for the rest of her life) was humbling, inspiring, thought-provoking.
The fact that she passed away (at the precious age of 90!) and having lived on her own until her death is something she was incredibly proud of. She needed help with little things (shopping, cleaning) and that alone made her feel incredible limited, useless and old, no matter how often I told her that she has paid her dues being there for our family and that it was ok to accept help as we age.
I haven’t had the same sort of revelation you’ve had with different generations; mine came when I became a mother. I realized that I had done a whack load of judging in my pre-child days and it was a real eye opener for me. I felt a lot of shame until I realized that my guilt was serving no one and all I could do was strive to be more gentle and less judgmental moving forward (which is exactly what I’ve done. Seriously. Unless someone is harming their child – I mean, really harming, not lets-her-kid-stay-up-too-late-and-eat-chocolate harming – I don’t give a hoot how she choses to raise him or her.)
Very sweet :) I think we could all spend more time learning from our “elders” (but we should come up with a new name for them!)
I think the gym behavior you speak of would bother me way more if they were committed by young peeps. I am more tolerant of older peeps precisely because I am starting to feel my age creep up on me. I know that I am not as sharp–physically and mentally–as I used to be, and it’s a very hard thing to have to accept. So I can see myself making–perhaps less obvious–those same offenses without even realizing. I *know* I tell people the same story more than once, so I absolutely am capable of being annoying without meaning to. But younger people? They’d more likely just be inconsiderate or self-absorbed. But I’m totally with you–I really make an effort to play by the rules, too!
I have to admit; I am impatient with everyone. So I never really blame the old folks specifically for things like running in the wrong lane. I blame everyone. Of course it is worse when it’s a young person doing it! They just seem inconsiderate, whereas the elderly may be driving slow or walking slow or whatever for a reason!
As someone who has long been an at-home worker-outer, I would probably walk in the wrong lane at the gym too! I have no idea what the rules of a gym are. So I’m sure I’d find the older people adorable no matter what they were doing. I just set my Tivo for Our America. I’ve seen a couple episodes of the show and thought it was fantastic. I should have started recording it long ago…
In terms of moving TV shows, The Biggest Loser used to always reduce me to tears. I have a feeling The Secret Life of Seniors would have gotten to me, too. Mr. W isn’t always a fan of me crying in front of the TV. I think it scares him… :)