She reminds me of my brother.

When I was growing up (decades ago!), kids were considered lucky if they had cable, a VCR and maybe an Atari (or in our case, a Commodore 64). And yet, my brother was always distracted. The best example was one night when he came into my bedroom. I was sitting on my bed doing homework and he was standing in the doorway next to my desk. While talking to me, he also had to pull things off my desk and fiddle with them. Constantly distracted. I called him out and asked him to put my stuff down. It was frustrating trying to talk to him while he was focused on other things. My things. After three of four times of me asking him to stop (each time, the anxiety level seemed to increase), he got so annoyed with me that he pushed everything from my desk onto the floor, slammed the door and stomped back to his room.

To this day, I can tell whenever he’s distracted. Even though we live hundreds of miles apart, I know when he’s trying to do something else while talking to me on the phone. He gets distracted. Lost from conversation. Forgetful. Clearly not listening to what I’m saying. Nor thinking about what he’s saying. These days, when my brother gets like this on the phone, I just tell him he should focus on whatever it is he’s doing and we’ll talk later. It’s not a big deal. He laughs because I know him so well. And we say goodbye.

Because, if I didn’t let him go? I’d get mad. Really mad. Because I find that sort of behavior to be REALLY DISRESPECTFUL and a BIG WASTE OF MY TIME. I know it’s not intentional. In fact, I think he’s hard wired like that. But, it drives me absolutely batty. There is no happy middle ground. Either he’s focused on the conversation or we’re not talking at all. I’ve come to peace with that.

But, there are times when I don’t have that choice. Like when I’m out to dinner with friends and everyone has their noses stuck in their smart phones. Or when I’m at a conference (hi, BlogHer!) where you were in the minority if you didn’t have your laptop and Blackberry going while listening to a speaker. Or when I’m in a meeting at work where everyone sort of participates in the meeting, while trying not to show they are also responding to emails, engaging in IM conversations and browsing the internet.

I wonder if this is the new level of acceptable behavior? I mean, just because everyone is doing it doesn’t make it right. I sometimes think I have an old soul. Because when I’m in the middle of a human-to-human discussion, I prefer technology to be set to the side, politely put away. That’s not to say I’m against technology or social media, because in fact, I do think it has a place. Only, I think it’s place involves moderation, not domination.

What are your thoughts regarding technology and social media and whether they are infringing on human-to-human interactions?

]]> http://somispeaks.com/2009/10/21/distracted/feed/ 26 http://somispeaks.com/2009/09/17/gold/ http://somispeaks.com/2009/09/17/gold/#comments Thu, 17 Sep 2009 09:15:59 +0000 SoMi's Nilsa http://somispeaks.com/?p=1560 Yo, kids! Life is good. It’s been a fabulous summer. And we’re heading into my favorite time of year. My body is working in my favor. I’m madly in love with my husband. Our dog rocks. I’m surrounded by some of the world’s best family and friends. And you know what?

I want to share it.

That’s right. I’m feeling so good that I want you to feel good, too. And so, I’m doing a GIVE AWAY.

You just might strike gold!

Remember when I went to BlogHer. And how I had mixed feelings about being there? Well, the BlogHer gods forgave me for my mixed emotions. About a month ago, I got word from some Johnson & Johnson peeps that I had won! Wait, won what? I had to rack my brain to remember what it was I entered. There are so many giveaways at BlogHer and I was pretty whorish about putting my name in the hat. Despite promising Sweets I wouldn’t bring home a lot of swag. (And I didn’t bring home much, but I did want to win something – who doesn’t?! – so I had to add my name to many hats!)

And then I remembered. Going with Sam over to the J&J booth so she could get a much-needed Band-Aid. And getting stuck there while we waited for Paula Dean and her entourage to walk through (on her way to do a cooking thing). And looking at the J&J products and being surprised that so many brand names fall under their umbrella. And putting my card in to win a Night on the Town gift basket.

Oh yeah, that giveaway. I almost forgot; it had been so long. Well, ladies and gent, I won that bad ass gift basket. There’s lotions and hair products. Lip gloss and make-up remover. That time of the month and sex products. And just a whole basket of yumminess. See, look at the picture!

So, not only do I want to share some of these goodies with you (because believe me, I plan on keeping a few for myself), but I’ve turned this into a MUCH bigger giveaway. I pleaded with some friends to contribute to the give-away. And boy have they come through.

Children’s CDs and finger puppets from Professor Pocket
Free tickets to About Face Theater
Jewelry from Beads of the Heart
Personalized cake from My Itty Bitty Cake
Mary Kay Hand Magic from beauty consultant, Kelly Barefoot
Yarn from Secret Stash Sock Yarn
Gift certificate to Kitchen Stitchen
Gift certificate to adornMeant

I’m not kidding you. I have some multi-talented friends who were so generous with sharing their wares. And I think you’re going to like what you see. So, here are the down and dirty rules to this giveaway:

1. Enter the give away once by leaving a comment to this blog post (all entries must be submitted no later than 11:59PM CDT on Thursday, September 24)
2. Gain a second entry by advertising the give away with a link on your own blog (leave a second comment here once you’ve posted to your blog – same entry deadline as #1 above)
3. Feel free to Twitter about it, but you get no bonus entries for doing that as I’m not on Twitter and have no way to track you. =)
4. Chicago residents and anyone with a connection to the Chicago area should put CHICAGO somewhere in their entry, as one giveaway is good only for people in this area (which means there very well could be TWO winners to this giveaway)
5. Promise to pay it forward; by that, I mean you must give away at least one item that you receive if you win. It could be yarn to the grandmother who knits. Or theater tickets to the best friend who lives in Chicago. Or KY to the boyfriend (bow chica bow bow) Whatever it is, I want this good feeling to be spread around.

I’m so happy to be sharing some of this awesomeness with you. And I’m excited to see who enters and who wins! The winner(s) will be announced on Friday, September 25. Good luck!

Action #1: Never Twitter. As if I really needed to learn this in a lesson. I don’t have a Twitter account now. And after BlogHer, I am quite certain I never will. It was OBNOXIOUS how many people cut out of conversations or stopped listening to speeches because they had to Twitter the moment. Equally as OBNOXIOUS was said people who cut out of conversations and stopped listening to speeches because they had to read what others were Twittering. Just as OBNOXIOUS were the people walking through the halls with their heads stuck in their phones, checking Twitter, updating Twitter and living in Twitter. Jesus, people, can’t you just live a little? No, seriously, LIVE. Not through your phones. Not through your friends who are not there with you. But, with the people in front of you. Around you. Live in the moment. To ensure that’s what I will be doing, I will not be joining the forces that are Twitter. So, please don’t look for me there.

Action #2: Delete Blogs. It’s funny, I went to this conference expecting to  add blogs to my feed reader. And, I most definitely am doing that. But, I am also deleting blogs from my reader, too. Because, I realized what’s really important to me in this whole blogging endeavor is the community. The participatory community, that is. Not the people who ignore your comments by never responding and never reading your blog. Not the people who only read your blog after you leave a comment on their blog. Not the people with whom I have so little in common but am reading purely because other people I know read them or because they live in my city or because I’ve met them in real life. No, those are not the reasons I’m here. There are plenty of blogs where I feel I’m forming a real friendship with the blogger behind them. That’s what I want. REAL relationships. Not the fluffy, popularity contest stuff. By deleting a number of blogs, I think I will be able to spend quality time on (and with) the blogs I love (because yes, this is a love affair).

Action #3: Delete Facebook Friends. See comments to #2 above. For all the same reasons I am deleting blogs from my feed reader, I will be deleting a number of FB friends whose blogs I no longer read. And whose lives I just don’t feel a part of. Nothing personal against them; we’re just on different pages of a very long and complicated book.

Action #4: Reconsider BlogHer. Right now, over there on the left, I have BlogHer ads. I went down that road less for the money involved (because, believe me, there is very little money involved for a blog of my scale) and more because I thought it would open doors to like-minded bloggers. The reality is, it hasn’t. And what’s more, I’m opening my blog to advertisers, some of whom I may not personally like (and yes, I realize I can request certain advertisers never show up on this blog, but buying into the greater BlogHer ads network means, in an indirect way, I’m buying into all the advertisers which support that organization). And even more, I’m limiting myself to the rules of the BlogHer Ads network. And I just don’t think my blog is about that. Or maybe it was at one time. But, I’m beginning to reconsider all of that. So, the jury is still out, but don’t be surprised if I replace the BlogHer Ads with a SoMi’s Nilsa Ad that includes a pretty picture of myself. And maybe Sweets and SoMi if you’re lucky.

Action #5: Simplify. I went to BlogHer expecting to learn more. To expand my reach. To write better. And what I learned is the BlogHer conference was not the arena to do it. Not for me, at least. If I want those things in the future, that’s fine. But, first, I need to simplify my blogging life. Remove the clutter from the dirty trunks. Dust them off, inside and out. Rearrange what’s left. And go from there. Then, if I want to grow my little blog, I think I’ll do it organically. Start reading new blogs of people with whom I know there will be a connection. Do some internet research on blog writing; maybe even take a class. But, do it on the micro-level, instead of the macro-level that was BlogHer.

It’s funny. My immediate reaction to BlogHer was that I got very little out of it. But, now that I’ve had a few days to digest my experiences, I realize I got a lot out of it. I may not be a walking advertisement for reasons to attend BlogHer. Because, in fact, I only needed to attend the conference once to learn all I need to know. But here on SoMi Speaks, it’s not about BlogHer. It’s about me. And moving forward, I’m going to try to maintain that focus instead of getting swept up into something bigger.

]]> http://somispeaks.com/2009/07/29/action-2/feed/ 40 http://somispeaks.com/2009/07/28/thoughts/ http://somispeaks.com/2009/07/28/thoughts/#comments Tue, 28 Jul 2009 09:11:33 +0000 SoMi's Nilsa http://somispeaks.com/?p=1212 Yesterday, I shared ten observations I had about attending the BlogHer conference over the weekend. I purposely kept them very generalized with a small dash of personal experience on top. Today, I’ll be a little more honest about my overall experience.

I attended BlogHer with a couple goals:

1. Meet up with my own personal blogging community – those bloggers I read on a regular basis, some of whom I’ve previously met, others whom I’d be meeting for the first time
2. Form bonds with new bloggers whose blogs I’ve never read; return home with new blogs to add to my Google Reader
3. Attend interesting panels that will allow me to grow my own blog

If I’m really honest with you, I’ll admit I only achieved one of those goals (#1) and part of a second goal (#2). Let’s take a look at each of the goals and how the conference may or may not have contributed to successfully achieving those goals.

1. Meet up with my own personal blogging community – those bloggers I read on a regular basis, some of whom I’ve previously met, others whom I’d be meeting for the first time

Throughout much of the conference, I spent social time and panel time with three of my favorite bloggers: Pseudostoops, Alice and Sizzle. It was my first time meeting Alice and Sizzle (which pleases me to no end) and getting to spend such concentrated time with these lovely ladies made my weekend.

I ran into other bloggers I know, which was cool. Including a reconnection with a lovely blogger from Denver whom I’ve sort of lost touch with over the past year. This reconnection sparked my butt to follow her again. I only wish more of my favorite bloggers were able to attend this event, so I could meet them, too.

I brought my camera to the Thursday night party, where I took pictures of the ladies I would spend much of the weekend with. I didn’t take another picture after that night, so this is all you get:

Nilsa + Sizzle

Nilsa + Alice

Nilsa + Psuedostoops

2. Form bonds with new bloggers whose blogs I’ve never read; return home with new blogs to add to my Google Reader

Meeting new bloggers was relatively easy. Since I knew only about 10 of the 1,500 bloggers before the conference, pretty much everyone was new to me. Having said that, forming a real connection with these bloggers? Kinda hard. We’re either sitting in panels, where talking amongst ourselves was not recommended. Or scurrying from one session to the next. Or being swept into the madness that was the exposition (when there’s so much free swag to snag, it’s hard to have any real conversations with people). Or trying to hear over hundreds of energized women attending the parties. As I said, easy to meet people, harder to form real bonds.

Thankfully, Pseudostoops shared the amazing woman behind Back to Me. She’s local to Chicago and smart as a whip. Plus, the two of them are 2/3 the brains behind the great review blog, Live Well Spend Well. I ran into her throughout the conference, ate meals with her and am sure to follow her blog moving forward. Maybe even see her again in real life, since she lives only a few towns away.

Another lovely lady came to me by way of blog speed dating. It was an ice breaker exercise on the first day of the conference. And while I can’t say you really get to know anyone through it, you do walk away with a ton of business cards. Naomi was at BlogHer for work reasons and she was on a panel for one of the sessions. She’s cute, perky and very likeable off the bat. She’s also all over the internets! So, when I changed my expectations for the conference, I opted to attend her “more serious” panel discussion on social activism in the blogosphere. I chatted with her before the panel and got to sit with her at lunch later that day. She’s one of those people who is very affable and someone I’d definitely grab drinks with next time I’m in her neck of the woods (on the east coast).

In addition to those two lovely ladies, there are definitely other blogs I plan to start reading. I got to meet these women. Or attend panels in which they were speaking. Baby Makin(g) Machine. Doobleh-vay. Sweet | Salty. Knotty Yarn. What About Our Daughters. And others I’m sure I’m forgetting.

Clearly, I met some new bloggers and have many new blogs to read. But, I don’t consider this an absolute success. Mostly because I really didn’t bond with all that many new bloggers. A few, yes. But many, no. Part of that is my fault as I sort of checked out of this conference to some extent (after the first night, I stopped going to the parties because it was too much to attend the conference all day and then party until late at night – I’m too old for that shit). But, part of it is the nature of the beast. When you’re at a conference where everyone has attention deficit disorders, it’s hard to really focus on one another.

3. Attend interesting panels that will allow me to grow my own blog

So this goal was a big fat fail for me. The keynote addresses were really interesting. I got to hear big names like Tina Brown (former editor of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker) and Ilene Chaiken (creator of The L Word). As well as women with impressive resumes, like producer for PBS, Northwestern University professor, Microsoft researcher and so on. That was cool, however the keynotes had little to do with growing my little blog.

After a horrific first day session (I won’t say which one out of respect for those involved) that offered little content and was terribly moderated, I actually changed my outlook on the whole conference. I realized quickly I’d learn very little about my blog. Or how to make it better. Or how to become a better blogger. And with that in mind, I opted to attend sessions that were interesting. Social activism growth in the blogosphere. Healthcare research and how the blogosphere has changed that arena. Story-telling and how to make an otherwise bland statement into an interesting blog post.

Overall, I attended some interesting panels. But, only after a change in my initial strategy. And I still walked away without a real grasp on how to become a better blogger.

So, what kind of taste is left in my mouth after BlogHer? Personally, I’m glad I went. It was local, so I didn’t have to worry about travel expenses, hotels, eating out all the time and never sleeping in my own bed. It was worth the $200 conference fee to go see what this much-talked about conference was all about.

However, I doubt I’ll ever attend another BlogHer conference. It’s just not for me. I’m hyper sensitive to certain things. So, I noticed how obsessed people are with their phones and computers. I noticed how envious people are of those making $$ off their blogs. And how obsessed they become with wanting to turn their own blogs into cash. I notice how crazed people get over meeting celebrities (whether it’s a big name like Paula Dean, Tim Gunn or Rick Bayless, all of whom were at the exposition, or big name bloggers like the Bloggess, Amalayah and others). I notice how some women only care about getting free stuff, even if it has no relevance to their lives (just to say they got it). I notice how women still size up one another even when among friends. I notice when women barge into a conference room trying to get a seat for the next session before letting those attending the previous session room to get out. And I notice that all things are not created equal (there were quite a few exclusive parties that were invite only and/or you had to know about well in advance – and I can tell you it was not easy to figure these things out prior to the conference).

I guess you could say I noticed the uglier side of the conference. And that’s not to say anything bad about the conference itself. The people behind BlogHer work very hard. The conference, for the most part once you’re onsite, is well organized. There is a very positive energy at the keynote sessions. The break-out sessions had some interesting topics that were relevant to many of the people in attendance. And if you have the energy to constantly work a room, introduce yourself, sell your blog, sell yourself, then you can walk away having met a great number of very interesting people.

What I realized is that I operate better on a small scale. Put me in a room with 10 people and I’ll make the effort to meet each of them. To find common ground with all of them. And to likely follow-up with them after the fact. Put me in a hotel with thousands of people and I’m more likely to just be a number. A fly on the wall. A grain in the woodwork. That kind of opportunity is wasted on me. And I leave wishing I got more out of the experience.

There you have it. I didn’t drink the BlogHer punch. I’m not an addict. I’m not all gah-gah over the experience. I am glad I went. I do encourage many of you to continue to be excited about your experiences (if you went) or the possibilities (if you plan to go in the future – it will be in NYC next year, btw). But, don’t expect to see me there. It’s just not my style.

1. Attending this conference by yourself would be very intimidating. First, there are 1,500 participants and that’s a lot of people to work through. Alone. Second, almost everyone I met there already knew someone, so to be the only person knowing no one would be scary! My advice is to show up with other blogging friends or with plans to meet up with blogging pals you haven’t yet met in person. There are pre-conference meet-ups in cities all over the country, so if you don’t know other bloggers yet, plan to attend one of those before going to the conference itself. (Thankfully, one of my favorite local bloggers, a fav DC blogger and a fav Seattle blogger were attending, so I spent most of Day 1 with them and spent the rest of the time meeting up with other blogging friends.)
2. They tell you to come up with a 20-second blurb on what your blog is really all about. And they mean it. Even if your blog is a personal blog (or, as I now like to call mine, a life blog), come up with some interesting twist to your blog. Otherwise you will wind up with blank stares and glazed-over eyes. (I promise, it happened to me on Day 1 when I forgot the tagline to my own darn blog and started rambling about really stupid stuff. By Day 2, I remembered: … the dog days of happily ever after … which then segwayed into a great description of my blog!)
3. We all have formed relationships and friendships with fellow bloggers before ever meeting them. Having the opportunity to meet many of these bloggers is exciting. However, don’t be surprised if you actually don’t like the real person behind the blog. I think this can happen partly because we put certain bloggers on pedestals and our expectations cannot be met; and partly because you just might not like the person behind the blog. (It happened on at least 2 occasions with me this weekend and no, I will not name names.)
4. They tell you to wear comfortable shoes because you will be standing for long periods of time (and they’re not lying – wear comfy shoes). What they fail to tell you is it’s equally as important to wear comfortable undies. And bras. Try pulling wedgies out of your butt all day and you’ll come over to my side on this one. (Thankfully, I wore my favorite boy briefs, of which I have 5 pairs – they served me well over the weekend).
5. BlogHer attendees are over-the-top connected. And I don’t mean with each other. Well, at least not in the face-to-face sense. About 50% of bloggers lugged laptops to every session for live blogging, Tweeting and distracting from uninteresting topics. Every blogger kept her phone out. Texting. Tweeting. Posting to Facebook. And other mobile applications. Overheard at one of the parties was, “People are too busy on their phones that they’re not enjoying the experience.” (For someone who values her unplugged time, this trend was a little distressing.)
6. There were a large number of discussions that wound up talking about “monetizing” your blog. There is lots of envy over mommy bloggers who get a lot of attention from advertisers and from companies who want to send them products to review. There were also lots of people who wanted to learn a blogging model that would open those doors for them, even if they’re not mommy bloggers. (This focus surprised me. While there are some bloggers who make good money off their blogs, most do not now and likely never will in the future. And so, these conversations quickly became irrelevant for many bloggers, even for some still participating in them.)
7. Different people have different expectations for what they will get out of BlogHer. It’s important to take time to read about the different sessions and choose those that are right for you. Don’t be afraid to break stride with your friends. And be willing to change your strategy midway through the course if your initial strategy just isn’t working. (I went in with one set of expectations that were sorely missed. After the first  session on day 1, I changed my expectations. I decided I wasn’t going to learn anything specific to my own blog, so I chose to go to interesting sessions, regardless of whether they related to me or not.)
8. Most panelists are very approachable. They are extremely grateful for people who tell them that they did a good job. Don’t be afraid to say something; just because they sat on a panel in front of a room of people doesn’t mean they’re not human. (I yelled at one panelist from across the room that she was a great moderator – she was so overcome with joy and made me so very pleased I said something at all. I also ran into and chatted with another panelist over the course of the weekend. She is someone I will keep in touch with post-conference and will seek out an IRL meeting on my next trip to New York.)
9. Don’t be afraid to say no to swag. I guess I should preface that by saying, if you’re flying to the BlogHer conference, be sure to bring an empty suitcase because you will be bringing home a helluva lot more than you come with. Even still, just say no. There are many vendors appealing to a wide array of audiences. I promise that each of you will come across vendors that have very little relevance to your life. Don’t waste precious cargo space with their swag. Politely say no and move on. (Sweets and I have been trying to get rid of shit at our house, so I took minimal amounts of swag. Though I did manage to bring him a big block of chocolate each day and he didn’t seem to complain.)
10. There is such a thing as overload. Too much time with so many women reminded me of sorority life in college. As in, we all joined the same sorority therefore we’re all supposed to be friends. Well, guess what? Not everyone drinks the same BlogHer punch. We don’t have to like everyone we meet. We don’t have to like every panelist or even every session we attend. It’s ok to take breaks, skip sessions and to show up late to parties. You gotta pace yourself and gain the courage to say “no” when necessary. (I went to the first night of parties and skipped the next two nights of parties. It was just too much for me.)

Stay tuned tomorrow to hear my final thoughts on the BlogHer conference.