I can’t believe we’re already a week into May and I haven’t had a chance to write about how April went as far as my 2012 goals. Clearly, it’s been a busy start to the month. But, that’s good, real good. So, let’s see how I did

Organize My Life

I’m pretty sure we didn’t spend any days organizing our home in April. I’m also quite positive we have a few new piles of paperwork that popped up over the course of the month. Fail.

But, I’m feeling better about my online presence. I added a few new blogs to read last month, but more importantly, I hit All Read more often. Instead of feeling overwhelmed that I didn’t have time to read more blogs, I erased all evidence there was anything to read in the first place. Win.

Get Involved

I felt good about this past month. We put the finishing touches on the Parents Night Out event that I helped to plan for our daycare, which took place over the weekend (more on that tomorrow).

I also decided that I want to form a working moms group. For the past year, I’ve been trying to find a mama’s group that fits my needs. What I’ve come to realize is most of the groups I’ve tested out cater to stay at home moms (which I’m not), so most of the events and get togethers take place during weekdays (therefore, I can’t participate). In April, I put out some feelers to working mama friends to see if they might be interested. I’ll be reporting back about this one in May (hint: there’s interest!).

Read

I continue to be on track with reading one book a month, though I barely finished my book in April (I was on a TV strike on the 30th until I finished the book – even Sweets was cheering for me to finish!). I’ve now read One Day, Very Valentine, Every Last One and The Imperfectionists. I also made my way through two issues of The Atlantic, one of my favorite monthly reads (that has been piling up for many months by now!). I can’t remember which book I chose for May, but it’s sitting at home, spine waiting to be cracked.

Exercise & Eating

The whole exercise and eating thing continued to be a struggle for me as I started the month of April. So, I called in a friend to help. My friend is a personal trainer in LA. She had her first child a month or so before Gavin was born and pretty much changed her work focus to be on mothers and teaching classes for moms and tots. She has wanted to work with me in an online capacity and I finally decided to begin working with her. Each week, she videos a workout routine for me. We also have a weekly call to discuss how the week is going, any challenges I’m facing and so on. I’m keeping a food journal for her and she’s changed the way I eat. She encourages eating healthy fats (think olive oil, avocado, etc.) and stresses that my big meals should be early in the day. I’m a little sad that I am putting off the running thing a bit longer, but realized my true goals, in order, are (1) lose weight, (2) get in shape and (3) pick up running again. Gotta focus on the first two for now.

Stay in Touch

I did a pretty good job staying connected with local friends last month. We had playdates and shared meals with family for the holidays as well as six sets of friends over the course of the month. Sadly, though, I didn’t have a chance to chat with any of my out of town friends. It’s already the second week in May – I need to get on that!

Photograph

I started April off as if I didn’t have a camera. Not many photos that month. But, I took a bunch of photos for Easter, our trip to the children’s hospital, our visit to the children’s museum and our walk for the March of Dimes. I’m happy that I pulled out my camera more last month. We have lots on the calendar in May, so I’m hopeful it will be a good month.

Focus on My Family

I’m pretty happy with the amount of time I spent with my family this past month. Sweets and I got a date night to see a concert and we had some good times together for the holidays, touring the hospital and doing the March of Dimes walk. May is looking to be a really busy month, so my guess is we will struggle with how much time we set aside for our family. We’ll see…

Hi, my name is Nilsa and I’m 38. <<hi Nilsa>>

For the longest time, my age didn’t bother me. When I was starting out in college, I looked young, but thanks to a fake ID (sorry, mom & dad), I got to go wherever, whenever.

Moving into my 20s, I began to take much better care of my body. I lost weight, gained muscle and felt great. Even though I was older than all the cute college kids, I didn’t feel older than them. We grew up at the same time and had similar experiences away from home. Plus, I joined the leadership of my local alumni club, so I still felt connected to that time in my life. Age wasn’t even on my radar.

By the time I was in my early 30s, I still shrugged off my age. Sure, I was a whole decade away from the boys who played college hoops, but I was having the time of my life. I was running marathons! Traveling! Dating! Balancing work and life! Owning my own home! And, still presiding over the local alumni club. Really, my life was full of exclamation marks and had little room for complaints.

During all those years, I looked forward to my own birthdays. I planned my own parties. Made the most of adding another number to my age, because it meant I was gaining another year of life experiences. Life was good!

And now that I’m officially in my late 30s (gasp)? Life is still good, make no mistake. I have what a lot of people strive to have. I am not an ungrateful beeatch. But …

For the first time in my life, I feel my age. Not that I feel 38, per se, because I really don’t know what *that* feels like. But, I feel … older. I look at the college kids and think, I WAS 20 WHEN THEY WERE BORN … TWENTY!!!! I could be their mamas. I could’ve given birth to them after exiting my teenage years – oiy!

College kids today … grew up in a completely different time than I did. The 70s are ancient history to them. Their parents were likely born in the 60s and could be my older sibling! Their parents could be my friends! Are my friends! They don’t know what record players or tape recorders are. They cringe to think of life without a cell phone. I could go on.

 source

But, this isn’t just about comparing my current self to my college self. Things are really different now. My friendships are different. I speak with friends every few weeks instead of every few days. I visit with out of town friends once every few years (if I’m lucky) instead of annually. I used to have social commitments 4-5 nights a week. Now, social commitments involve play dates with friends who have kids the same age as Gavin. Evening plans sans kids are a luxury. The idea of taking a plane somewhere for a 3-day weekend used to be such a fun adventure; now, I ache thinking about how exhausting it’s going to be and more times than not, we skip those kinds of weekends away.

The point is, I am older. I’m over that post-college glow. My 20s and early 30s are forever gone and that feeling leaves a weird sensation in my stomach. I’m in that stage of my life where I’ve moved onto other great things (parenting, wife-ing, etc.), but I feel like I’m looking at the greatness of my 20s and 30s in a rear-view mirror. It’s a kind of mourning, actually. Not that life right now isn’t great. Not that there aren’t great things to look forward to in the future. But, those were great years of my life that I’ll never get back. And I am genuinely bummed I won’t have another chance to live like that again. (Note, this is a far cry from saying I’d trade my current life for my old life – I am very happy with my now life, but I do also miss my life of old.)

So, all you younger readers, trust me when I tell you I to fully enjoy and make the most of *this* time, because though life can be great no matter what your age, the definition of great changes with time … and you’ll never get *this* time back!

source

Organize My Life

In February, we decided to dedicate one morning a month to cleaning out our home. We find it easy to go through piles, but then what do you do with the pile that isn’t throw away and isn’t keep? It works its way into a corner of our home to sit. Marinate. And never go away. So, last month, we did something about it!

• We gave away some toys given to Gavin at Christmas that we decided we didn’t need or like.
• We gave away our old, hand-me-down umbrella stroller (since we had already purchased a new replacement).
• And, we threw away a bunch of paper menus that we never use (thanks to Grubhub!).

We also became a bit more organized about going through our mail. Instead of just letting it stack up for weeks at a time, I go through the mail everyday. I recycle the junk mail (about 80%), try to open my own mail and stack the rest. That feels good, though I wish Sweets would recycle our newspapers in a more timely manner (he’s the only one who reads them and lets them stack up for a week before getting rid of them).

Don’t let this post fool you. Our house is still full of piles, messes and dust bunnies. But, at least I know what’s in each pile and am working towards their permanent extinction.

Get Involved

This goal is definitely a work in process. Last month, we participated in a book drive at Gavin’s daycare (they sent books to their sister school in Swaziland). We participated in a toy swap (read, we got rid of some of our toys and didn’t bring anything new home). I spent a good week celebrating this blog (and giving to some pretty remarkable charities as part of the fun). And, instead of buying a gift, we donated some money to a local hospital. I know throwing money around does not equal getting involved. But, some months are more difficult to get out there … and that’s my way of still staying connected to the community.

Read

I think this is one of the goals I’m most proud of. I’m really getting back into reading – and it feels great. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not reading a ton. But, I’ve already finished 3 books this year! In January, I read One Day; in February, I read Very Valentine. In March, not only did I finish Every Last One by Anna Quindlen, but I also started The Imperfectionists, which actually might be my favorite book so far this year! Last month, I also read a couple longer thought pieces (i.e., articles). I’d like to add that back into the mix … I love my subscription to The Atlantic and want to justify getting it delivered every month!

Exercise & Eating

I continue to struggle with this goal. Not the exercising part (which is actually going pretty well), but the eating part. In February, we joined a small gym and I worked on getting into a good schedule of working out. At the end of the month, I bought a new pair of running shoes. March was all about starting the Couch to 5K running program. Yes, the girl who used to run marathons (plural!) has been reduced to a beginners running routine. And you know what? I’m absolutely fine with it. I don’t have the same body or endurance that I had when I was a serious runner. I can’t just get back out there and pretend I remember how to run. Too many things have changed. So, I started following a plan. I’m not going to say it was easy, because it wasn’t. But, I did it. Four weeks of running 4-5 times a week (only 20-25 minutes at a time, but it was something). I still have a long way to go to get to where I’d like to be. But, the fact is I’m doing something about it.

Eating, eh, let’s not talk about eating. There were girl scout cookies. ‘Nuff said.

Stay in Touch

I actually did alright this month with staying in touch with friends. I finally spoke with a dear friend from Savannah (let’s not mention the 6+ months of phone tag that came before this connection) and caught up with pals in Boston and Wisconsin. We had play dates with former neighbors, Gavin’s preemie twin and dear friends who deserted the city in favor of the suburbs. We had a chance to catch up with Sweets’ childhood friends over a disastrous lunch (but the seeing friends bit was a success) and I had a girls’ night (i.e., drinks with a girlfriend, but still in bed by 11). We had to bail on plans with Sweets’ volleyball friends, a birthday party and seeing Gavin’s cousins when Gavin was sick. But, we rearranged some other plans so we could hang with the volleyball friends during the Final Four games on the very last day of the month. All in all, I feel like we made the right number of plans, were able to see a bunch of different people and were also able to comfortably bail when fever hit our house.

Photograph

I don’t even want to talk about it. I pulled out my camera for a little craft project with Gavin that involved contact paper on the wall. But, it felt forced. And with all our social plans, I opted to focus on the social part of those plans instead of getting lost behind the lens. In other words, I took almost no photos with my real camera (I don’t count iPhone photos towards achievement of this goal). Please, let April be better.

Focus on My Family

January and February were tough months on the family focus front. March fared a bit better. Sweets got out for date night and we had a family day when the weather was great. After going to music class and running a few errands, we spent three hours at the park. Just our family. It was splendid. As the weather continues its warming trend, I hope to have more days like this in the future.

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I’m still happy I made these goals for myself this year. I’m not exceeding expectations, by any means. But, I’m not sure that’s the point of making these goals. I needed some focus to my life and these goals give me that framework. If I can continue to improve little by little, then at the end of the year, I think I’ll look back and be pleased with all I’ve accomplished. Can’t really ask for much more than that!

The other day, I was reading a blog post about what motivates us to run our first race. It got me thinking about the first time I ran a marathon.

Yes, that’s me, back in 2001, somewhere along the race course
in San Diego, where I was about to complete my first marathon!

But, how did I get there? I was working a tough job with 17-hour days, travel Monday-Thursday and a lost life in Chicago (I was constantly trying to answer the question, how does one go about living a life in Chicago when you are somewhere else four days a week?!). I wasn’t eating well, wasn’t sleeping enough and, quite frankly, wasn’t happy with the state of my life.

One of my co-workers, who was on a project in Los Angeles with me, suggested I train for a triathlon with him. It would be our excuse to leave the office for a couple hours each day. Who cares if we had to go back to our hotel rooms to work for many more hours in the evenings. At least we’d do so after a great swim, bike or run. I liked the way he thought.

At the same time, my roommate in Chicago (who also traveled with work, so you can imagine how often we saw each other) decided to start training for a marathon. I remember that I didn’t really consider her a runner at the time, but don’t recall why she decided to train for a marathon.

In any case, a little of “if she can do it, so can I” mentality combined with the insanity of my life (and therefore the insanity of my brain) led me to make a goal: Complete a triathlon and marathon before I turn 30. I must have been 25 or 26 at the time, so it wasn’t a particularly aggressive goal, other than I’d have to commit time, energy and focus in order to complete them.

I trained with my co-worker and on my own for the triathlon (finished one that August) and began training for my first marathon with Team in Training that next February. I raised money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma foundation, trained under the careful eye of marathon experts and met some amazing friends along the way. I completed my first marathon that following June. I smashed through my goal and went on to run many more marathons, half marathons and other randomly distanced races (though never again did I complete a triathlon – I hated the swimming part too much).

What external factors motivate you to establish goals?

Simplify Online Organize My Life

In January, I spent some time going through my blogs, quitting those I no longer read and adding some new ones. I felt good about the direction my blogging life was taking. In February, I continued to organize my online life, but I also realized that something else needed organizing … my life! So, I’m going to change this goal to focus on bettering my life through better organization.

In February, I blogged about the mess in my home being on the verge of spilling over into a lack of organization. Y’all had some great suggestions, as well as reminders that life is messy when you have kids. Here’s what we accomplished last month:

• Sweets and I wound up buying two, small, storage ottomans for our kitchen. Great for Gavin to play on them. But, we are putting things we don’t want to deal with in them. Once a month (or more frequently, if needed), we will go through that stuff and decide what to do.
• I cleaned off our kitchen island, putting a number of things in the ottomans and recycling a number of things, too.
• We have also decided to pick one morning a month when we will actually drive to the Salvation Army or other places to donate the things we’re no longer using.
• We are going through our mail when we get it and recycling the junk mail (about 75% of what we get) immediately.

I consider this a good start to feeling more in control of the space in our home.

Get Involved

I mentioned that I spoke with the director of Gavin’s daycare about a Parents’ Night Out (PNO) and that she was enthusiastic about my suggestion. Well, in February, I put the wheels in motion for this event. I hosted a meeting at my home to begin discussions of what this night would look like – the director and a couple members from the fundraising committee attended the meeting. We decided a happy hour on Cinquo de Mayo would be a great first event. I met with a potential PNO venue and reported back to the committee. Once we finalized the details, I created a PNO flyer that the daycare will email and hand out to parents and Board members. And, I delivered a deposit check to the venue of choice! I’d say I was very involved this month!

Read

In January, I met my goal of reading one book when I finished One Day. February was a tough month. I started reading Very Valentine, but it was slow going. I began getting nervous that I wouldn’t finish the book. But, I focused a bit in the last half of February and finished my second book of the year. Though I haven’t started reading yet, my book of choice for March is Every Last One by Anna Quindlen. I think I’ve finally found a way to balance the craziness that is my life with reading – hooray!

Exercise & Eating

I described January as a meh month in terms of exercising and eating. I was sick for most of the month. Something needed to change. Towards the end of January, I joined a small neighborhood gym. In February, I worked on a schedule of getting to the gym on a regular basis. I managed to go 3x during the week and a couple weekend days, too during the month. I consider that a success. At the end of the month, I bought a new pair of running shoes (running friends, you’ll cringe when you hear the last pair of shoes I purchased was a year ago – it’s criminal!). And I set the stages for an exercise plan in March. While my exercising dramatically improved in February, my eating has still been meh. I’m trying to quit the Diet Coke habit (said as I’m halfway through one) and make better food choices. It’s a work in progress.

Stay in Touch

As my regular readers already know, we have a very busy social life. Staying in touch with local friends isn’t a problem and we had a busy February as a result. I had dinner with a girlfriend and grabbed coffee with another girlfriend. We had playdates with Gavin’s city cousins, friends from the suburbs, Gavin’s preemie twin, friends we met during childbirth class. We saw my mom briefly in Chicago and saw both my parents and brother for a long weekend in New York. We also managed to spend time with my aunt & uncle and Sweets’ parents.

For my long-distance friends, it was another month of phone tag! So frustrating, but a necessary evil of people with busy lives! I know I’m very much to blame, because Gavin is a time suck (in a good way), which leaves little time to chitty chat with friends. I did, however, leave messages for friends in Charlotte and Savannah … eventually speaking with my friend in Charlotte. I also got to speak with another dear friend who shared with me very exciting news. And, I exchanged some emails with a girlfriend in Boston who will be in Chicago for a visit in a few months. Not bad, though I still wish I actually connected with more people.

Photograph

I had such a good start in January, but February was a BIG FAIL. I took a ton of photographs in New York, but managed to ignore my camera the rest of the month. Must be better in March.

Focus on My Family

January was a tough month, because our family time was forced, since we were all sick at one point or another. February was … another BIG FAIL. We traveled to New York, which was sort of time to ourselves (as in the traveling part), but not really (as in, we spent the whole weekend with my parents and brother). And the rest of the month was packed with gathering with friends. This goal is tough. I treasure our family days (our getaway trip to Galena in December was AMAZING), but we also have a lot of friends and I don’t want to lose touch with them just because I’m holing up with my family. This goal is another work in progress … and, quite frankly, is a goal I need to put some more thought into.

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I think it’s been a good first two months. I don’t think about these goals every day, but they are shaping how I approach certain aspects of my life. I’m a firm believer that goals shouldn’t be rigid. Goals make perfect sense for a snapshot in time. If we’re lucky, they continue to make sense over time. But, oftentimes, life changes course and it makes sense to adjust, abandon or even add goals. This month, one of my goals needed an adjustment and I had no problems addressing it! In the long run, I like to think it will better help me accomplish what I set out to do.

Are you black and white about goals (meaning, after you set goals, you either achieve them or you don’t) or do you see goals as being more fluid like I do (meaning, sometimes they need to be revised)?