I have a system when it comes to paying the bills. I pay some bills on the first of the month and others on the 15th, which follows when I get paid. Usually, it takes me a total of five minutes to pay bills; online bill payment is a gem. That is, unless online bill payment isn’t working … for almost 48 hours. This morning, I made a few calls to my bank to find out what was going on. Turns out, there was an upgrade that was taking longer than expected. Two things would’ve made this experience more tolerable:

(a) Instead of landing on a splash page telling me Online Bill Pay is broken (no shit), tell me it’s temporarily unavailable so that my future experiences will be better (a small, but distinguishable difference!); and

(b) Make sure all customer service representatives  know the reason why the system isn’t working and update them with an expected time frame when it’ll be operational again – I can’t tell you how frustrating it is as a customer when the people representing your company don’t know what the hell is going on!

My building is on a relatively quiet residential street. In Chicago, we have an immense alley system – pretty much every home has an alley behind it. Because of our location, we also have an alley next to our building. And, you know what people love to do? Honk their horns as they travel too fast while exiting the alley onto the street. It’s as if honking gives them a right to drive without slowing down for pedestrians or other vehicles that have the right of way. These horn blowers really ruin the peace of our block. The other night, I was in our garage when one of those trucks that collects goodies out of other people’s trash honked the entire way down the alley. As he passed our garage, I yelled “SHUT UP!” He stopped and exited. Despite the slight language barrier, we actually had a nice little conversation. I asked him not to honk. He explained it’s to alert cars as they’re exiting their garages. I explained that it’s loud and bothers people who live in the surrounding building. He smiled, apologized and promised to stop. For the moment, I was pleased, though I’m pretty sure I heard him again the next day.

I’ve whined in this space before about my distaste for Disquis and any other commenting system that makes you jump through hoops just to leave a comment. One of the things I hated about the Disquis system was that it automatically signed up commenters to receive emails of comments left after them. NO THANK YOU. Well, now, apparently, WordPress.com is doing the same damn thing. I don’t want to have to UNCHECK a box or PICK SOMETHING DIFFERENT in a drop-down menu. I want the default to be NO FOLLOW-UP and then I can check the box or choose the menu item if I want to be more involved. The other day, I logged into my blog email account to find almost 20 emails of follow-up comments. Ummm, NO.

Newspaper overload! Sweets and I aren’t exactly a newspaper family. Up until a year ago or so, we never subscribed to receive a newspaper. Then, we decided it’d be nice to have the Sunday paper for coupons – and even after I ditched that effort, Sweets decided he liked reading it with his morning cups of coffee. Then, we did a favor for a neighbor and they paid us through a weekend subscription to the New York Times. Then, my dad had extra frequent flier miles he was going to lose if he didn’t use them, so he subscribed us to the Wall Street Journal. Let’s get this straight: Monday-Friday Wall Street Journal; Friday – Sunday New York Times; and Sunday Chicago Tribune. On any given day, there is a lot of newspaper in our house, so if anyone is moving and needs some extra cushioning for boxes, find me!

Molars can go to hell. Not mine, because the ones I have serve me well (and the ones I don’t have just don’t exist – seriously!). I’m talking about Gavin’s molars. While he’s become a teething pro over the last 12 teeth – it generally doesn’t bother him, this latest molar is a bitch. He’s been chewing his hand, drooling a ton, refusing to let me brush his teeth and causing him to be a crabby mess. He’s been working on this molar for weeks already. If I knew how much longer he’d have to suffer, I think I’d manage a lot better than this not knowing. C’mon teething gods, just give me a clue!!!

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I think that’s enough for one day. Care to share any of your grievances come lately?

I’ve been interested in photography pretty much my entire life. When I was a young kid, my dad and grandfather were the photographers in our family. I remember my dad picking creative locations to take photos of my brother and me. One of my favorites is a photo of the two of us holding onto a lamp post in the cobblestone streets of old St. Louis. I remember my grandfather getting our entire family in one shot and making us sit there for what seemed like forever while he fiddled with the settings on his camera. I also remember having debates with him about whether white & black or color was better. (He argued color is best, because it’s how we see life; I argued black & white was best, because it leaves room for the viewer to use their imagination.)

In high school, one of my favorite classes was photography. I loved taking portraits and developing them in the dark room. In college, I was *that* girl who took her camera everywhere. People used to ask if I was afraid to lose it. My secret was I purchased inexpensive cameras, took them everywhere and wasn’t upset when I lost or broke them (the number of great photos I got in return made it worthwhile!). When I upgraded to a digital camera, I stuck with something small enough to keep in my purse at all times. When Sweets and I got married, his gift  to me was a big girl DSLR with lots of bells and whistles, many of which I still don’t know how to use. I have become the photographer of our little family, trying to capture the small and big moments in our lives.

I’ve always wanted to take a photography class. One that teaches me about my camera. Reminds me about things I learned in high school, like f-stop, aperture and ISO. A class that teaches me new things about my camera that I don’t even know about (so, I can’t tell you what those things are here). A teacher who challenges me to become a better photographer through camera settings, use of light and shadows, angle of the camera compared to the subject matter and so on. I know I could learn a lot from a class like that and one day I’m sure I’ll take one (or many!).

You know what other kind of class I could learn from? One that teaches the ins and outs of post-processing through software programs like Photoshop and Lightroom. But, you know what? I’ve never had a desire to take one. Here’s my thing about photography … I’m a purist at heart. I think photos should be mostly, if not completely, the original subject matter, lighting, etc. I’m ok with adjusting the contrast or brightness here and there. But, I know I’m likely in the minority when I say, I really hate to see photos that have been so heavily processed that you can’t tell where the original photo begins. And it’s not even that I can’t appreciate something beautiful when I see it. For me, when a photograph is heavily toyed with post-production, it’s no longer a photograph, but rather a piece of mixed media that uses photography as one of its many layers.

The other week, I was reading an article about creating stunning locations and the purist in me was appalled. First of all, unless you’re in a studio somewhere, you don’t create stunning locations, rather you find beautiful locations in which to photograph. But, more disturbing (to me) was this photographer took a pretty drab, empty lot in her neighborhood that happened to have a small patch with small flowers growing in it and post-produced her photograph until it looked like a sun-laden field of flowers. She claims she enhanced the sun; I say the sun in her shot was almost below the horizon and she added a new sun into her photograph. She layered the flowers to reproduce them in places they hadn’t existed before. She added color to the photograph in places where there was none. She freaking added clouds to the sky to make it look more interesting. Was the final product beautiful? Absolutely, but it wasn’t a photograph by the time she was done; not in my eyes, at least.

If my grandfather was alive today, I wonder what he would think about post-processing photography. He was once amazed at the Internet when I showed him how to use it to buy a book. Makes me wonder if we’d sit on different sides of the photography debate again. What are your thoughts on photography and the prevalent role of post-processing?

Thursday, my parents flew from Boston to Chicago. On different airlines, arriving at very different times. My mom stayed with us Thursday night, while my dad stayed in a hotel. Weird, given they’re still married, still live together and are still on speaking terms. My dad stayed in Chicago less than 24 hours for a conference, while my mom spread out her stay until Sunday to see all her grand-babies.

Friday evening, Sweets, Gavin and I grabbed dinner with a high school bestie, also visiting from Boston. Funny enough, our parents live across the street from each other. And my parents adore her. But, since they see her in Boston, there was no dire need to see her in Chicago. Trust me, though, my parents are likable people.  =)

Saturday, my mom joined us at Gavin’s soccer class. This was also the first time Sweets got to participate in class. Like last week, Gavin refused to complete one of the first activities, thereby exhausting Sweets (who did it for him). Other than that, it was a fun class and Sweets is glad we signed up. Once again, Gavin was exhausted by the end (so were we!).

We went to REI to go shopping without spending money (where’s the fun in that?!). We’re shopping for bike trailers, so we can go cycling with Gavin this summer. Gavin was immediately drawn to the bike helmets (no surprise, since he plays with Sweets’ at home all the time) and kid bikes (too bad his feet can’t reach the pedals). Did you know you can easily drop a grand on bike carriers? We’ve picked a model we like (hint: it doesn’t cost $1,000) and we’re waiting to buy it until next weekend when our 20% off coupon activates.

That afternoon, while Gavin was napping, Sweets and I decided to catch a quick nap. Assuming, Sweets would nap like he normally does (less than 30 minutes), I didn’t set an alarm. Bad move. Gavin woke us up over 2 hours after we fell asleep and, more importantly, 10 minutes before family and friends were supposed to begin arriving at our place for dinner.

Good thing they’re not a super prompt bunch. We managed to shower and clean up before anyone arrived. After dinner, we left Gavin and his cousins with a sitter, while the adults went to see a great rendition of Rent (so says the girl who doesn’t really like musicals)!

Sunday, Gavin slept until 9am (score!), allowing plenty of time for Sweets and me to clean the kitchen from our house full of guests the previous night. We met my mom, nieces and their mamas at my aunt’s house for brunch. It was a downright beautiful day, so we spent a bunch of time outside blowing bubbles, playing hide-n-seek and exploring the greenery. It was a fun chance to take out my camera for some official May photos.

After brunch, my mom came with us to Gavin’s music class, where he was essentially a non-participant until the teacher pulled out blocks for building (while singing London Bridge) and Gavin was the first kid to knock down the tower.

Our last stop of the day was Sweets’ parents house. We had a mid-afternoon cookout with them and lots more playing and exploring outside. I sort of checked out here and hung out inside by myself. I was utterly exhausted from coordinating and participating in all the weekend events. From there, we dropped off my mom at the airport, returned to the city and tried to get ready for the week ahead.

And that’s all she said. I leave you with a link (because I’m also posting today on Lisa’s Expandng blog) and a piece of Gavin from Monday morning, when I realized his new (to us) track suit fits well enough to wear to daycare.

I recently read a really interesting post about the difference between being proud of and being grateful for having children. It’s a long blog post (worth reading if you want), but I will highlight some of the takeaways I found important for those who don’t have the time to read it …

• Glennon (the blogger) grew up in a home where success was based on grades. To get average grades meant she was unsuccessful, though her parents still loved her. As a parent herself, Glennon isn’t sure kids can differentiate between pride and unconditional love. Glennon and her husband place a higher priority on making sure her kids know they are loved, rather than having parents who are proud. She clarifies that she’s proud when her children show up and work hard; she’s grateful when they see successes and do great things with their lives.
• She also has concerns about the parental community at large. Even if/when her kids bring home good grades, there are countless families whose kids are struggling in school. There are parents who worry something is wrong with their kids. Other parents already know their children have been diagnosed with learning disabilities. For these families, it’s particularly hard to see friends swimming in pride about how they have perfect children.

Momastery’s blog post has really resonated with me. Here at SoMi Speaks, I try so hard to be respectful of all points of view. I often have strong opinions and have no problem sharing those opinions. But, I also appreciate that there are a variety of opinions out there and I can learn from others and their differing beliefs. I encourage an open dialogue. You could even say, sometimes, I’m hopeful that people will dissent from my view, so I can learn something new and gain a greater understanding. But, I also demand that anyone hanging out in my corner of the Internet shows respect for all sides. There is no room for hate here (unless we’re talking about Duke and then you can bring it on – hahaha).

So, the idea that others deeply evaluate their presence in other social media forums (namely, Facebook) was a call to action for me. Do I brag about Gavin’s achievements? Do I drip with pride? Or is there some other way to describe my presence on my blog? On Facebook? In real life? I like to think I’m part self deprecating, part political, part wife, part friend and part mama. And while I like to think I’m pretty even keeled when I talk about loved ones, I’m sure I’ve bragged about Gavin at one point (or many points) in time.

Momastery’s post has really got me thinking about how I need to be mindful of others … how I should ask myself whether I’d be hurting anyone with my words … and how I might need to change or delete anything that could be painful for others to read. But, it’s more than my online presence. It’s this idea of defining my life (or parts of it) in terms of gratefulness for things and people in my life, rather than pride (and bragging rights) in what those people do. I know I’m not that mama just yet. I might never be perfect. But, that post gives good food for thought and certainly challenges me to become a better mother, wife and friend.

Recently I have been reading about a bit of dissatisfaction with the social media world. First, Nora talked about how her blog identity has had to evolve as real-world stuff has taken her in different directions. Then, LaMidge talked about how blogging isn’t fun anymore, because people are far too into branding themselves and discounting her for her genuine pleasure in writing only. Next, I read a post Peter wrote about a time when blogging was  genuine, unaffected, honest, raw, worth reading. Finally, I read an article in The Atlantic titled, Is Facebook Making Us Lonely? A number of the points in the article seem to apply equally as well to other social media outlets (blogging, Twitter):

Personalized messages are more satisfying than “one-click communication” – the lazy click of a like [button]

Non-personalized use of Facebook—scanning your friends’ status updates and updating the world on your own activities via your wall—correlates to feelings of disconnectedness

A widely reported study showed how believing that others have strong social networks can lead to feelings of depression … Everybody else looks so happy on Facebook, with so many friends, that our own social networks feel emptier than ever in comparison

Facebook users have higher levels of total narcissism, exhibitionism, and leadership than Facebook nonusers. In fact, it could be argued that Facebook specifically gratifies the narcissistic individual’s need to engage in self-promoting and superficial behavior.

Finally, Sandra wrote an interesting post that talked about blogging and connecting with other people. One line, in particular, hit a sweet (or sore?) spot with me. She said:

I’ve never felt so welcome and connected and ignored and disconnected at the same time as I have felt through blogging.

Spot on, sister, spot on. I’m pretty sure this one sentence sums up the way I’ve felt about blogging, in particular over the past year. It’s been a year in transition for me. I took a pretty serious break from blogging when Gavin was born and spent many weeks in the NICU. It took quite a few months after Gavin came home from the hospital before I found my blogging mojo again.

But, before I talk about today, let’s go back to the time before Gavin when I blogged every day of the week, had consistent interactions with readers, was actively participating on other blogs. I really did feel connected and welcomed. I was meeting other bloggers in real life and even forming friendships with some of them outside our blogs. Blogging was a fun outlet for me – life was good.

However, everything changed when Gavin was born prematurely. I was posting less often, writing because I needed to write about my feelings and journey, and rarely leaving comments on other people’s blogs. Heck, I rarely responded to comments y’all left on my own blog. Because my time to read blogs was more limited than before, I narrowed down the list of blogs I read. As a result, I lost a lot of those connections with people in the blog world.

It took a good year for me to feel like I was back on my feet in both real life and in my commitment to blogging. In the last six months, I realized I no longer craved the quiet I needed when Gavin was first born. I began yearning for the banter and energy from the blogging community that I remember feeling a couple years ago. Some of my internet pals were still hanging around (and it was really great to reconnect with them). Others had moved on (I tried not to be sensitive about this). But, it wasn’t enough; it wasn’t the same. There was a gap I needed to fill; and, I knew I’d have to redefine what I was looking for, because I was in a different place this time around.

I started to seek out new blogs to read. Life blogs. Mommy blogs. Blogs of people who seemed interesting and engaged. I was genuinely excited about connecting with people. Not just reading their blogs, but commenting, receiving responses to my comments, starting a dialogue. I can’t tell you how many times my attempts to connect with some of these bloggers fell on deaf ears. It was (and continues to be) during these times that I felt ignored, disconnected and unwanted, as if I was throwing words against a brick wall, only to have them bounce right back to me. I’m not sure what’s different this time around, but it feels oh so different, oh so less personal, oh so “I’m only interested in you if you can do something for me.”

This quest to find my new place in the blogging world continues. So far, I’ve been so very lucky to stumble across Kyria and Lisa and Judy and Lucy. And then, something happened. As I was drafting this post, and concluding with hope about finding new blogs, something happened. A movement, if you will.

Peter realized he wasn’t the only blogger who missed the days of old. He realized there is still a need for real, genuine writing that lacks the concern of advertisers, SEO rankings, key word indexing and whatever else bloggers are doing today to market their brand. He spearheaded Pooping Rainbows (yes, that’s the name, don’t fight it!), a blog devoted entirely to great writing by a group of pretty incredible bloggers who have been on the scene for years (some are even coming back out of retirement!). Each blogger contributes one post a month, so it’s low maintenance for each blogger, but will hopefully turn into a really wonderful collection of written pieces. The blog launched earlier this week, so you can check out some writing so far. I’m honored and really humbled to be a part of the mix. Check them out and add them to your daily reads, if you’re so inclined!

What are your expectations of blogging and has the blogging world ever challenged those expectations? Who are your favorite bloggers that you’ve actually connected with beyond your blog? Yes, I’m gonna stalk them for a bit to see if I want to make a connection with them, too!